


An Echo from the Shadows

by Arcadias_Fire



Series: Echoes of Light and Shadow [4]
Category: British Actor RPF, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Children, Alternate Universe - Hogwarts, Alternate Universe - Magic, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Awkwardness, Boys Kissing, Canon-Typical Violence, Consensual Underage Sex, Empathy, First Kiss, Friends With Benefits, Friendship, Implied Sexual Content, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Love Triangles, M/M, Making Out, Mash-up, Multiverse, Mutual Pining, POV Loki (Marvel), Pining, Pre-Slash, Psychic Bond, References to Depression, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-01 12:34:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 21,869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20258182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arcadias_Fire/pseuds/Arcadias_Fire
Summary: Loki has been in love with his best friend for two years, but no matter how much he tries, Tom doesn't seem to see his feelings for what they are. Heartbroken, Loki turns to hisotherbest friend. Tony Stark.***Tom smiled at Loki. “Hi.”“Hello.”“You look amazing.”Loki blushed. He couldn’t help it. Tom hadnoticed.“Thank you. So do you.”Tom ducked his head to hide his own blush. “It’s a bit much.”“No. No, it’s not. Everything is... it’s lovely.”





	1. The Yule Ball

**Author's Note:**

> The "Underage" tag is for implied content rather than anything we see on screen. 
> 
> Welcome to book 3.5! 
> 
> This takes place during _Flurries of Amaranth_ and to some extent goes over some of the same content, just from Loki's perspective. About half of this I already had written, since I really needed to know what was going on with Loki. This starts with the Yule Ball, and goes through the day of the third task. I have no idea of it would make sense without having read the rest of the series. If you haven't finished _Flurries of Amaranth_ this contains spoilers.

Loki presented himself to Natasha for her approval of his outfit. The redhead gave him a long look before she nodded. “You’ll do.” 

He raised an eyebrow at her. “I’ll ‘do’?” 

She shrugged. “What do you want? You look elegant, for a scrawny thirteen year old boy.” 

Loki rolled his eyes. “Can you improve upon things?” 

“I might be able to do something with your hair, but other than that, no.” 

“Please do.” 

Natasha nodded, and went back to the girl’s dormitory. Loki fidgeted while he waited, rubbing his hands together while he paced across the Slytherin common room. 

“Calm down.” 

“I can’t.” 

Nebula sighed from her position on the black leather sofa. “Either things will happen or they won’t. Worrying about it won’t change anything.” 

“I… I can’t help it. It just feels like something is coming, and I can’t imagine what else it would be.” 

“You’ve been trying to get him to realize how you feel for a year, what makes you think anything will change today?” 

“It… the Yule Ball will be a romantic setting, he might realize... See…” Loki threw up his hands. “I’m just hoping it will make a difference.” 

“And if it doesn’t?” 

“Then I keep waiting.” 

Nebula rubbed her forehead. “You may be waiting for a long time.” 

Natasha came back into the common room. “She’s right. He still hasn’t recognized that his feelings for you are sexual, what makes you think that will change because of one dance? Come here.” 

Loki sighed and obeyed. Natasha quickly and efficiently style his hair. He knew that his friends were right, that Tom was completely oblivious to the nature of Loki’s feelings, and his own. By now, Loki knew almost as much about body language as Natasha did. He could read the subtle signs of interest in Tom, but those signs meant nothing without Tom coming to terms with them. 

“You’re done.” Natasha stepped away to stand beside Nebula. “What do you think?” 

The blue-skinned girl nodded. “He’ll do.” 

Natasha laughed and Loki smacked himself in the forehead. 

The three of them came up from the dungeon together. As they crested the stairs, Natasha elbowed Loki in the side and point Tom out with a quick jerk of her chin. 

He looked amazing. The dark blue dress robe complimented his complexion perfectly, and brought out the color of his eyes. It made his shoulders look broader, his waist narrower as it cut down to his hips. Loki had only ever seen Tom in his school robes, or jeans and a tee-shirt - or on a few notable occasions, shirtless - so this was a dramatic change. This was designed to make him look _ good _ not just like a teenage boy with no regard to how others perceived him. His hair had been sculpted - likely by Stark - so that it was swept off his forehead and back, almost like a mane. Usually Tom’s hair was chaos incarnate, and honestly not his best feature, but this looked sophisticated. If Loki hadn’t been wildly attracted to his doppelganger, hadn’t already been in love with him, he would have been instantly smitten by this current look. But since Loki’d already devoted himself to this person, it just made his fantasies go wild. 

Their eyes met across the entryway and Loki felt his heart pound. Tom was looking him over in exactly the same way that Loki was doing to him. Loki almost wanted to just stand and admire, but he also felt drawn forward like a magnet. Natasha and Nebula carried him forward with their own momentum, then slipped away. Honestly, Loki barely registered it happening. 

Tom smiled at him. “Hi.” 

“Hello.” 

“You look amazing.” 

Loki blushed. He couldn’t help it. Tom had _ noticed. _ “Thank you. So do you.” 

Tom ducked his head to hide his own blush. “It’s a bit much.” 

“No. No, it’s not. Everything is... it’s lovely.” He reached out towards Tom’s arm. “May I?” Tom nodded and Loki brushed his fingers along his sleeve. “It’s so soft.” 

Tom shivered under Loki’s hand. “It’s silk velvet. Madam Mode talked me into it.” 

“It’s an excellent choice.” 

Tom looked him over again, drawing another flush to Loki’s skin. “This is silk too, isn’t it?” 

He looked down at his own dress robe. He hadn’t really given the material much thought. He was mostly grateful that he hadn't been stuck with some awful second hand thing. “It may be, I’m not sure. It was originally my grandfather’s, but Pinny shrank it down to fit me.” 

“I can’t even tell that this was modified. It looks like it was made for you.” 

That had to be good, didn’t it? “Thank you.” 

“Shall we go inside?” 

Loki nodded and they swept towards the Great Hall. Loki wanted to take Tom’s hand, but resisted the impulse. Tom had to make the next move, and he hadn’t offered Loki anything as of yet. They drifted through the beautifully decorated room over to the round table where Nebula and Natasha were talking to Stark. 

Loki sat beside Natasha, Tom beside Stark. It was odd to sit at a mixed table like this, but it was so pleasant to be able to sit with his beloved. Even if Tom seemed to be floating through his own reality while they ate. 

“Are you alright?” Loki asked. 

Tom grinned at him. “Yes. Perfect.” 

Loki raised a questioning eyebrow. 

“We’ve never shared a proper meal before.” 

“Ah. True enough. I suppose shared lunches on the Hogwarts Express don’t really count, do they?” 

“Not in the same way, no. This is wonderful.” 

Loki’s heart soared. He couldn’t help but take Tom’s hand under the table now. Gods, this was amazing. He had to keep himself from reaching for Tom’s leg rather than his hand. That material was so soft, it was an act of will to not touch. 

Once the meal was over, the tables vanished, and the champions and their dates officially started the dancing portion of the ball. 

Loki kept getting distracted from dancing by the most recent incarnation of his best friend/crush. Gods, Tom looked wonderful. Loki wanted to run his hands all over that incredibly soft material for hours, then strip it all off. He had to drag his attention to the dancers, or he might start drooling, which would be rather obvious, not to mention embarrassing. But he could feel Tom’s eyes on him. Not for the first time, Loki wondered what Tom saw when he looked at him. 

Tom looked back at the crowd of dancers, and Loki took the opportunity to look at him again. That color was amazing, and the texture of the velvet begged for his fingers. Loki locked his hands in front of him to keep from reaching out again. 

Somewhere in the middle of this self-denial, Loki realized that Tom’s eyes were closed and that he was frowning. As he watched, Tom’s expression went anxious, then distressed. Likely as not he was experiencing some sort of emotional reaction to someone else here, but a quick look around showed Loki nothing obvious. 

Tom opened his eyes and shook his head. 

Loki put a hand on Tom’s arm. “Are you alright?” 

“Yes, fine. I… I think I need a drink.” 

“Very well, come on.” Loki lead the way over to the refreshment table and pressed a glass of water into Tom’s hands. He drank it down and poured himself another. “What happened?” 

Tom looked sharply at Loki. “I’m not sure I can explain, exactly.” He looked around. “I certainly don’t want to talk about it here.” 

That was interesting. Perhaps it wasn’t a reaction to something in the room. “We can go, if you’d like. Nobody would notice.” 

“Maybe.” Tom ran his fingers along the moisture-beaded exterior of the glass and shivered. “Yes, let’s.” 

Loki nodded and they started walking towards the doors. 

Out of nowhere, Darcy Lewis appeared in front of them. “Hey Tom, you aren’t leaving, are you?” 

Oh, the _ girl. _ She thought she could get her claws into Tom, but she was completely wrong. It was amusing how little she understood about people. Tom barely _ looked _ at her, and yet she persisted. Loki had noticed her hovering near them for the past couple of weeks, clearly hoping that Tom would ask her to the Ball, but Tom hadn’t even registered that she was there. 

Tom was clearly caught short here though. He looked at Loki, then towards the door. “I… well… Yes…” 

“You promised me a dance, remember?” 

Tom blinked. “I did?” 

She rolled her eyes. “You totally did. Before school even started. I said that if there was a ball, you should save me a dance, and you said sure. So you can’t leave until we’ve danced.” 

“Oh. I suppose I did, but we were just…” He looked at Loki. 

“Go ahead.” Loki nudged him with his arm. Let the girl have her fun. It would be amusing to see her fail at gaining his attention. “I’ll be over there.” He nodded towards the doors into the rest of the castle. 

“But I…” But Darcy had already grabbed Tom’s arm and was dragging him onto the dancefloor. 

Loki shook his head and smiled. 

But as he watched, that smile faded. Tom seemed… charmed by the Hufflepuff girl. It was hard to read lips from as far away as he was, but Loki was certain that Tom had just complimented her on her robe. He was blushing. And then leading her out into the courtyard… 

Loki couldn’t help himself. He followed. 

From the doorway, he watched as they chatted. Then… she _ kissed _ Tom. How dare she?! And Tom seemed to accept the kiss. No. No no no nonononono… 

Tom stumbled back, away from the kiss, pressing a hand to his stomach. He glared down at Lewis, in much the same way that Loki glared at them both. Tom shook his head as though he was trying to clear it. “What did you do to me?” 

“What?” She sounded confused. Well, Loki was confused too. 

“What did you do to me?” Tom scrubbed his hands against the soft material of his robe, like he was trying to wipe something vile off his palms. “I can’t… none of those feelings were mine. They were yours! How could you?” 

Oh gods. He’d been picking up her emotions and incorporating them into himself. 

She shook her head. “I didn’t mean to…” 

“No? It never occurred to you to influence my emotions? To try and convince me to like you the way you like me? You know how my powers work. You _ know _ that being in physical contact makes it nearly impossible to keep feelings out. How _ could _ you?” 

Loki stumbled back a step. Tom’s accusations hit him even harder than they did the hapless Hufflepuff. Loki hadn’t thought of that, that it could even be _ possible _to influence Tom’s emotions in such a manner. Had he been doing that himself? 

But Tom kept speaking. Shouting, really. “I don’t want any part of that. I don’t want to be your boyfriend.” _ Yes! _ “I don’t want to be _ anyone’s _ boyfriend.” _ No! _ “I don’t want… anything like that. It’s awful and makes my skin crawl and you forced it on me!” _ No no no. I never meant to, I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t even know I could… _

Lewis was crying now, shaking her head. “No, I swear, I didn’t know…” 

“Just… get away from me,” Tom shouted. 

She turned and ran towards Loki. He ducked out of the way as the sobbing girl ran past. Loki flattened himself against the wall and covered his face with his hands until he could get his expression under control. It took far longer than it should. 

“Hey, you okay?” 

Loki pulled his hands down so that only his mouth was covered. Stark stood in front of him, sympathy in his eyes. 

Loki shook his head. He couldn’t help the tears this time. Gods, what had he done? Had he somehow managed to force his own emotions onto the only person he loved in the whole world? It was possible that every sign of interest he’d seen in Tom was just… just an echo of his own feelings. Completely false. If he’d been forcing his sexual feelings onto Tom, making him feel something for Loki that he never would otherwise, no offense could be worse. 

It was worse than rape. Completely unforgivable. 

“Come on, let’s get out of here.” 

Loki glanced back out into the quad, but Tom was gone. He could feel the other boy walking away from the castle, getting further and further away from him. He wanted to chase after him, to apologise, comfort him. But… if Loki was guilty of the same sin that Tom had accused Lewis of… He couldn’t do that to his love. Even if Tom never looked at him again, at least Loki would know that he couldn’t hurt him any longer. 

With a heavy sigh, Loki nodded and followed Stark out of the Great Hall. Loki barely paid any attention to where they were going. Tears blinded him to the twists and turns, but eventually Loki realized that Stark was leading him to the hidden passageways near the library. 

“I set up a space back here that nobody else’s noticed.” 

Loki nodded. Stark had created a nest of purloined pillows and blankets behind a stack of boxes in one of the disused storage rooms. The two of them settled down side by side. 

Loki wiped his eyes and glanced over at Stark. “I take it you heard everything?” 

“Yeah. Sorry. I was sure that he was into you, but I guess…” The other boy trailed off and shrugged. “Sorry.” 

“I… I might have been making him act like that. I might have been pushing my emotions into him without even realizing it. He can’t _ not _ feel me, so how can I be certain that whatever I saw there wasn’t just… me?” 

The American boy shrugged. “I dunno. Keep your distance for a while?” 

Loki sighed. “I… I suppose.” That sounded agonizing, but it was probably for the best. “I don’t know if I can… but… he doesn’t want me.” He wiped his eyes, sternly told himself not to cry, but it didn't work. 

Stark patted his arm in an awkward gesture. “Sorry. I wish I could help.” 

He nodded. “I know. You’ve been very… supportive through this whole thing. I know that must be difficult for you. I’m sure it wasn’t exactly fun listening to me winge about this for months.” 

He shrugged. “You’re both my friends, so it’s hard to see you hurting and confused, but I’m not the one who’s in love with someone who appears to have no interest in sex.” 

Loki winced. “Subtle.” 

“Have we met? Listen, I know this is really painful for you, but… Lokes, you’re hot as hell. Tom’s an idiot.” 

Loki started at the new nickname. “I… He’s not an idiot. He’s just… not interested. I always knew that I might be wrong. That he might be straight or... ” He shrugged and sniffled back more tears. “I don’t know, perhaps something happened to him, or…” Loki let his head fall forward. “He’s always been so reticent to talk about sexual things, but I was certain I’d read him right… But if it was all just me? If I’ve been forcing myself on him?” Loki shuddered. “I need to accept that he doesn’t want me.” 

“Well I do.” 

Loki looked the other boy over. He’d always found Stark… Tony? No, that’s what Tom called him. Anthony. Anthony was attractive, but he wasn’t… he wasn’t the other half of Loki’s soul. The missing piece of his heart. But Loki’s heart was broken now. He’d shattered it himself without even realizing it. 

Still, Anthony wanted the same sorts of things that Loki did. And he was offering those things with no emotional obligation. He was happy with their friendship and would like a few… extras to go with it, and wasn’t bothered by Loki being in love with someone else. It wasn’t how Loki had imagined a relationship being. He’d never seen such a thing in books, but then again, romances between two males were virtually unheard of in the sorts of books that Loki read. So what if it wasn’t “traditional”? There was nothing about Loki’s life that was traditional, so why balk here? 

But he had to be sure. “You know that if he wants me, I’ll go. I’m not going to stop being in love with Tom even though he isn’t interested. If he changes his mind, I’ll go.” 

“I know. I wouldn’t want it any other way. You’re both my friends, like I said. I’d like you to be happy together, but that doesn’t seem like it’s gonna happen so…” Anthony shrugged. “You want to explore, I want to explore. I trust you, you trust me. It’s a good deal for both of us.” 

“You bargain like a Slytherin.” 

He laughed. “I know you mean that to be a compliment.” 

“It _ is _ a compliment.” 

“So what do you say?” 

Loki sighed and looked the other boy over again. “Very well, I agree.” 

They’d been dancing around this for months. All summer, letters back and forth, and even before that. Anthony was the only person besides Natasha and Nebula who knew that Loki was even gay, let alone in love with his best friend. He’d worked it out for himself, genius that he was. 

Now that genius looked nervous and uncertain of himself. “Good. Great. Do you… do you want to do anything now? I mean, you’re probably pretty upset, so…” 

Loki shook his head. “I am, but… I’d rather rip the bandage off, so to speak.” He needed to chase away the specter of his unforgivable acts with something… straightforward. 

“Oh. Okay, so… you want to…” 

“Shut up and kiss me.” 

Anthony laughed, as Loki knew he would, and leaned over to kiss him. It was… good. A warm press of lips on his own. Loki’s hands and scalp tingled. He’d never kissed anyone, or been kissed by anyone. He’d felt kisses in his dreams, but this felt like… more. It was still simple, closed mouthed, softer than he’d expected. Anthony pulled away after a moment and looked at him. “So?” 

“I think we could both use more practice.” Loki pulled Anthony back to him for another kiss. This time, he opened his mouth, just a bit. Anthony groaned and responded by opening his own mouth. Loki wasn’t certain which one of them turned the kiss deeper from there, but soon his tongue was in Anthony’s mouth, his in Loki’s. Instinct made Loki grasp the other’s shoulders and they tipped back onto the pillows. 

Loki warred with himself though. On one hand, this was exactly what he wanted. They could race one another to completion. Strip away clothes and let mouths and hands wander. But this wasn’t what his fantasies were. This wasn’t Tom. But... Did that really matter? Tom who would be shy and reserved. Who would blush and perhaps even resist wandering hands, due to some sense of propriety. Or worse, not want any of that at all. But that reticence was where Loki’s mind had been for the last year. This was completely different. 

Anthony’s hands _ had _ started to wander, though there didn’t appear to be a goal. 

Loki pulled away from the kiss. “Wait.” 

“Yeah, what? Sorry. Moving too fast?” 

“No, it’s not that.” Loki bit his lip. “I think we need to talk about what we both want out of this.” 

“I remember someone saying ‘shut up and kiss me’ and then ‘we could both use more practice’.” 

“And I still agree with both of those sentiments, but we needn’t be stupid about it.” 

“Okay, my dick objects to the pause, but I can listen.” Anthony sat back a little and propped his head up with one hand. “So?” 

“If our goal is to explore what the options are, we should be sensible about it. I want you, you want me, yes?” At Anthony’s nod, Loki continued. “And there’s no ridiculous idea that we’ll be together forever, correct? If one of us finds someone else we’d rather be with who will take us, this ends, correct?” 

“Harsh, but fair. Assuming that this hypothetical third or fourth person objects to sharing.” 

Loki’s eyebrows went up. “I hadn’t considered that. I’ve no objection to sharing you, but this is not relevant to my point.” 

“Okay, what’s your point?” 

“My point is, what’s our goal here? Just to get off with someone?” 

“I’m fairly certain that means something different to you than it does to me.” 

Loki rolled his eyes. “I meant it both ways.” 

“Oh. Cool. Yes?” 

“No. We have the option to experiment, practice. To get better at this in a meaningful way. If the point was just to have as many orgasms as possible, then logic would encourage one to _ not _ find another person for that. I’m quite adept at causing my own, thank you.” 

“Same. So what are you proposing?” 

“That we specifically attempt to get better causing the other person’s orgasm.” 

“Huh.” Anthony drummed his fingers over his sternum and looked at the ceiling for a long moment. “Essentially practice at being better lovers?” 

“Exactly.” Loki smiled. “We both know what this is. Why not put it to the best use possible? Obviously I’m not going to be able to assist you with what being with a girl would be like, but I’m quite certain that I won’t be the only boy you ever do this with.” 

“Hopefully not.” 

“I’ll try not to take that personally.” 

“You said it yourself, Lokes, we both know what this is.” 

“Indeed.” 

“And when Angel Boy finally gets his head out of his ass, you’ll be ready for him.” 

Loki sighed. “I was so sure that he was just… a bit behind on this, and that he’d come around eventually. It seems like he’s becoming sexual, but he doesn’t care for it, for whatever reason.” 

“Most guys our age aren’t even making out with someone, let alone fucking.” 

“Crude, but true.” 

“Maybe he’s confused? I mean, if he’s gay, but in denial about it, that would explain him freaking out on Miss Hufflepuff.” 

“I suppose it’s possible, but I’ve given him all the encouragement I know how to give. I’ve tried to kiss him, but he just turns away.” 

“I know.” 

Loki sighed again. “Sorry. I know that you’d rather be doing something else.” 

“Well yeah, but I get it. Listen, let’s forget about Sir Galahad for the moment. He’ll figure himself out eventually, one way or another. In the meantime, we have exploring to do. How do you want to go about doing this?” 

“I… logically. I expect that one would get better regardless of intention, at least eventually. Assuming wasn’t a complete lout caring only for one’s own pleasure. However, we are not louts, are we Anthony?” 

“Nope. It’s one of my goals in life to be as un-loutish as possible.” 

“And to be well sought after for your favors.” 

“Obviously.” 

“So, what will serve us both the best right now? For future lovers, not just ourselves.” 

“Uhh, kissing? That kinda seems like step one, and has the advantage of not being gender or species specific.” 

“Excellent. And something one has no option to do on one’s own.” 

“Have I said how much I love the way you talk?” 

Loki blinked. “No…” 

“It’s hot as hell.” 

Fire bloomed in Loki’s chest. This wasn’t a simple compliment on his body, which he had no control over at this time in his life. He also happened to look almost exactly like someone else who, in Loki’s opinion, was more attractive than himself. This was something about him in particular. A compliment towards Loki, and only Loki. “Oh.” 

“Care to get that sexy British tongue over here and put it to a different use?” 

“I might be persuaded.” 

Anthony grinned and pulled Loki down to him so that their chests were pressed together. “I’ve thought about kissing you a lot.” 

“Have you now?” 

“Yup.” 

“Why don’t you show me?” 

“Love to.” 

They spent what felt like hours exploring one another’s mouths, with lips and tongues, and eventually teeth. Whenever things got too heated, one or the other would pull back and they would talk about what worked and what didn't. Still, despite the slightly clinical air to everything, Loki had rarely been this turned on in his life. If Anthony’s hugely dilated pupils and flushed cheeks were any indication, the same was true for him. 

It was getting late though. And Ball notwithstanding, both of them would have to return to their dormitories for the night soon. They seemed to come to that conclusion more or less at the same moment. 

“We should stop or finish.” 

Loki raised an eyebrow. “Finish?” 

“Look, we’re being trying to be straightforward about this, right?” 

“Yes.” 

“So, obviously we’re both turned on as hell. We’re both probably going to go back to our dorms and jerk off anyways, so why not do it together?” 

Loki’s breath caught in his throat. “As in… watch each other?” 

“Why not?” Anthony shrugged. “We’ll get to that eventually, why not learn how somebody else does it in the meantime? Given how we both like different things with the kissing, I bet we get ourselves off differently too. Besides, this is a lot more private than _ my _ dorm room.” 

“Given that I share a room with only one other person, it’s about the same. However, I have no interest in Pietro.” 

“So?” 

“I… it feels a bit... odd.” 

“Do you not want me to see you?” 

“It’s not that. I…” Loki paused. This relationship was about being honest and straightforward, after all. “I tend to have fairly elaborate fantasies. I’m not sure how that would translate to… showing off.” 

“Okay, I’m super intrigued by that, but I’m not about to pressure you into doing something you’re uncomfortable with. So, let’s put that on hold for the moment. We can ‘show off’ later.” 

Loki let out the breath he’d been holding. “I think that might be for the best.” 

“Okay, so we stop?” 

“For the moment.” 

“Right.” Anthony got to his feet, then offered a hand to Loki. He allowed himself to be pulled upright, and they headed out of the secret passageways. 

“There’s one more thing we need to talk about,” Anthony said as they approached the stairs. “What are we going to tell people?” 

“You mean, what are we going to tell Tom.” 

“Yeah.” 

“He’ll almost certainly notice that something’s happened, though I doubt he’ll have any idea what.” 

“Maybe, maybe not. He’s pretty oblivious about this kind of thing.” 

Loki sighed. “True.” 

“There’s a good chance he’ll get really uncomfortable about it. You know how he is.” 

Loki rubbed his forehead. “I can’t add to this. If I’ve been influencing him, he’s likely even more uncomfortable with sex than we thought.” 

Anthony shrugged. “What do you think? I mean, I’m happy to be known to be your fuck buddy, but I know things are tricky for you.” 

“Yes. And if any authority figures discover what we’re doing, they’re likely to try and stop us.” 

“True.” 

“My inclination is to keep this between the two of us for the moment. My reputation will not be improved by being ‘out’. Only Natasha and Nebula have any notion of my… inclinations.” 

“Well, I think a lot of the school’s figured out that you and the ‘good twin’ have a thing.” 

Loki shook his head. “But they see us as acting like siblings, not lovers. We’re too young to have that really occur to most people.” 

“Fair.” 

They were at the stairs now. “So we’ll keep it to ourselves, yes?” 

Anthony nodded. “Agreed. See you tomorrow?” 

Loki gave him a crooked smile. “Tomorrow.” 

  



	2. Diversion and Return to Staus Quo

It broke Loki’s heart to tell Tom that they had to spend less time together. That they couldn’t touch. That Tom had to keep him out. Loki tried to explain why, that he was afraid that he’d been forcing his feelings on his doppelganger. Tom denied it. Swore he could tell if Loki had influenced him, but Loki had to know. He needed to be certain that he wasn’t making Tom into something he wasn’t. 

Eventually Tom agreed. 

They still spent time together, but the didn’t talk. They sat on opposite ends of the study table in the upstairs room, only speaking when they had to. 

It was miserable. Loki hated every second of it, but Tom seemed to take it far worse. 

Loki watched as Tom crumpled in on himself over the next few weeks. Loki was certain that he was doing the right thing. That keeping his distance would prove one way or another that he was or wasn’t influencing Tom’s emotions. On one level, it very much looked like he had been affecting Tom’s emotional state just by being near him. Tom crept around like a wounded animal. He shied from boisterous emotions, looked thin and ill. It reminded Loki of his mother when she had a particularly strong vision. He wanted to go and comfort his love. Cuddle Tom close, run his hands through his curls and tell him everything was alright. But that was exactly what he couldn’t do. Loki forced himself to keep his distance. 

Thankfully, his time with Anthony was at least distracting. Loki could pretend that he had a proper boyfriend. It was always obvious that Anthony wasn’t Tom, but Loki told himself that this was for the best. Someday Loki’s heart would heal, and he’d be able to just be friends with Tom and not ache over him. He had no idea if he’d be able to find someone else he could be happy with, but that was a problem for the future. For the moment, he was learning a tremendous amount about how to deal with that nebulous future boyfriend. How to kiss and touch and bring as much pleasure as he could. 

Still, as his and Tom’s birthday approached, Loki realized that Tom just… didn’t care. They were going to be fourteen in less than a week. A day that Loki had actually come to look forward to rather than dread, all because of Tom. And it didn’t seem to matter to Tom in the slightest. 

“How’s he doing?” 

Anthony shrugged. “The same. I tried to talk to him about the party, but he just gave me a blank look. I’m not sure he even heard me.” 

Loki bit his lip and looked away. “I hate this.” 

“I know.” Anthony pulled him into a hug and kissed him. “I hate it too, but you need to know.” 

Loki nodded. “If anything, this makes me  _ more  _ certain that I've been influencing him. He’s not acting like he usually does.” 

“Yeah.” 

It was awful though. Horrible to watch as his best friend grew thinner and more nervous. Dark circles formed under his eyes and just got deeper and darker as time went on. 

The morning of the ninth, Loki couldn’t help himself. He’d been sitting so that he didn’t have the opportunity to look at Tom across the Great Hall, back to the center of the room, even though he hated not being able to see everyone. But today, he sat so that he could look at Tom and remind himself of what he was missing. 

Tom seemed to feel Loki’s eyes on him and looked up. Loki smiled, though it felt forced and sad, and Tom smiled back. It was a punch in the stomach, that smile. A “why are you hurting me?” smile. Gods, this was even worse than before. 

Loki spent the day doing his best to be cheerful to his friends as they wished him happy birthday throughout the day. But as the day went on, he became more and more anxious. When Tom fled the Great Hall during supper, Loki had to force himself to stay rooted in his seat. After bolting down the last of his supper, Loki raced over to the Gryffindor table. 

“What happened? Why did Tom run away?” 

Anthony grimaced and handed Loki a small white paper sack from the sweet shop in the village. Loki frowned and opened the parcel. The bag was filled with chocolate frogs. 

Loki let out a strangled sob. “Oh gods, he can’t even stand the sight of something that reminds him of me.” 

“I don’t think that’s it,” Anthony replied. “He misses you.” 

He nodded. “I can’t do this anymore. I… I’ll talk to him at the party. I’m just torturing him.” 

“I think that’s a good idea. Come on, let’s go on up.” 

Loki nodded and allowed himself to be guided up the half dozen flights of steps to the upstairs room. The space was deserted save for the large chocolate cake on a table. He and Anthony sat on the green sofa. Anthony made an attempt to kiss him, but Loki shook his head and pulled away. “I can’t, not right now.” 

“Yeah, no problem, I get it. Anything I can do to help?” 

Loki got to his feet and started pacing in front of the hearth. “I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something wrong.” 

“More wrong than your other half being miserable?” 

Loki glared. “Yes.” 

“Any idea what?” 

He sighed. “No.” 

Anthony got up and walked over. He put his hands on Loki’s shoulders. “Then try and relax. You’re just messing yourself up like this.” 

“Very well, I’ll try.” 

Loki did his best to relax and enjoy the party, but as the evening went on and Tom still failed to arrive, his anxiety skyrocketed. He managed to eat a slice of cake, but even that was tough going. He couldn't help but think of Tom and wonder where he was and what he was doing. An hour and a half into the party, a familiar frisson of fear and warning went up Loki’s spine. 

“Somethings wrong.” 

Anthony looked up to meet Loki’s gaze. “What’s up?” 

“Tom’s in danger, I have to go.” 

Loki had felt this a few times before. The first time he’d only been eleven, but he knew he had to do something, even then. That had been Bonfire Night, his first year. Screams of terror had echoed into Loki’s head from somewhere adjacent to himself. The screams sounded very like his own, but they weren’t; that fear was outside himself. Back then, Loki had resisted the odd boy who looked like himself and seemed to want to be friends for months. Why should he even give this person the time of day? Just because they looked alike didn’t mean they had to be friends. 

But only a monster could ignore a panicked scream for help. 

These thoughts ran through Loki’s mind as he raced from the upstairs room down into the body of the castle. He didn’t remember opening the door, but he was on the stairs. Down down down. That incident over two years ago had broken the stalemate between Loki and Tom. Loki couldn't resist the pull of the sweet, innocent soul who seemed to love him without more than a few words ever passing between them. When they finally talked, he learned that Tom may be sweet and innocent, but he also had a wicked sense of humor, much like Loki’s own. He was brilliant and funny and kind. They had so much more in common than just their faces. 

It took Loki six months to fall in love. Another six to realize what that meant. Another year after that to see that Tom’s love wasn’t the same as his own. At least not yet. 

But no matter what happened between them now, Loki would do anything to save his love. From that moment as children years ago to the present, his devotion had only gotten stronger. 

Tom was in danger. Tom needed him. 

Loki was able to follow the pull on his soul with virtually no effort. He could find Tom anywhere just by thinking about him. That normally gentle tug on Loki’s being was now the clawing drag of someone trying to keep from drowning, hauling on the rope to get them back to safety. 

He skidded into the darkened Great Hall and saw a hooded figure standing over Tom, wand pointed at his face. Tom lay sprawled on the floor, arm thrown over his eyes. Loki could feel terror rippling out from the prone figure of his beloved. Loki’s vision went red and he shrieked a curse at the stranger. How  _ dare _ someone try to hurt Tom! He was an angel walking the Earth, a pure soul who had never done anything to hurt anyone. How  _ dare _ they! 

The curse struck the hooded and masked figure and bounced off of him. 

Loki’s mouth dropped open. That was far and away the most powerful spell he knew - well above what a third year should know - and it  _ bounced. _ The curse did no harm, but it did divert the attacker’s attention from Tom to himself. A blue-white blast of power flew at Loki too quickly to avoid or block and struck his wand-arm between elbow and wrist. The enemy’s spell burned like fire and Loki’s whole left arm went numb. His wand dropped from tingling fingers, and Loki pulled his injured arm to his chest before he reached down and scooped up his wand with his right hand. Never had he been so happy that he practiced wand movements with both hands. Ambidexterity was incredibly useful for so many things, this being the most important. He pointed his wand at the attacker as he stalked across the room. 

The hooded figure looked between Loki and Tom splayed on the floor, backed away, and fled. 

Loki dropped to his knees by Tom’s side. “Are you alright?” 

Tom seemed to be about to reply but coughed instead. He just kept coughing, like a lung was trying to escape. Loki pulled Tom up into a sitting position and held the other boy against his chest. He smelled like smoke and herbs; a familiar, slightly minty scent that Loki was certain came from Tom’s soap. Gods, it was so good to hold him again. What had he been  _ thinking? _ He’d watched Tom deteriorate before his eyes, and he’d done nothing. Tom wasn’t a reckless person, but he’d walked straight into a dangerous situation likely because he was so distraught that he wasn’t paying attention. He could have died, and Loki would have been to blame. Tom probably hated him now. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please don’t leave me, please don’t hate me, I didn’t know. Please be alright, please be alright, please be alright.” 

Tom managed to breathe properly again and threw his arms around Loki. “I’m okay.” 

Loki sagged against him. “Thank the gods.” He drew away enough to see Tom’s face clearly and cradled his cheek. “Are you hurt?” 

“Bruised, but he didn’t manage to curse me.” Tom reached up and cupped Loki’s jaw with one hand, an echo of Loki’s gesture and wiped Loki's face with his thumb. Loki realized he was crying and possibly bleeding as well, but it was all worth it when Tom said: “I’m okay.” 

Loki leaned into Tom’s hand. “I’m sorry. I…” He took a deep, gasping breath. “I could never forgive myself if something happened to you. I’ve barely spoken to you in weeks, and I knew you were suffering, but I didn’t know how bad it was, and you could have  _ died.” _

“I’m okay,” Tom repeated. He ran his fingers through Loki’s hair. “Just… don’t push me away again. I can’t… I can’t take it.” 

“I won’t, I promise.” Loki pressed his face to Tom’s shoulder. The closer he could get the better. To breathe Tom in again. To feel his heartbeat, to know he was alive. “I’m so sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing, but all I did was hurt you.” 

Tom shook his head. “I’ll be fine.” 

Before Loki could say or do anything more, the doors burst open behind them and several of the professors stormed in. Then it was a blur of confusion and motion. Questions and answers and more questions. Eventually the questions ran out, and Professor Carter escorted them up to the Hospital Wing. 

Loki was done with this separation nonsense, so he took Tom’s hand. He knew that Tom couldn’t help but feel his emotions right then, but Loki didn’t care. He needed to feel his love’s skin, to make certain he was alive and well. 

As they climbed the stairs in Carter’s wake, Loki had a chance to look at Tom with decent lighting. He’d expected Tom to look faint, or ill, or the hollow shell he’d been for the past six weeks, but he was beautiful. He was smiling, ecstasy lurking in his eyes. Quite frankly, he looked… post-orgasmic. Relaxed and happy and ready for more. 

Loki couldn’t help but stop and stare. He wanted to kiss the other boy breathless, hold him forever, find out if that was what Tom actually looked like after he’d...

Tom looked over and blinked at him. “Are you alright?” 

“Y… yes, fine. Sorry.” Loki started walking again. What excuse could he possibly give? “My arm feels very strange.” 

Carter glanced back at them. “I’m sure Madam Mantis will be able to set it right for you.” 

Loki smiled at her before he turned his attention back to Tom. When they finally arrived at the hospital wing, Loki refused to be examined until Tom had been seen to. Once Madam Mantis had assured them both that Tom was only bruised, as he'd said, Loki raised his emotion-blocking defenses - he didn’t want Madam Mantis to recognise his feelings for Tom if he could help it - and held out his arm. It was still numb, but he'd been so focused on Tom's well-being that he hadn't even looked at the injured appendage. 

It was blue. 

Loki blinked in confusion at his hand. His skin was a rich sapphire color, laced with curving, slightly raised lines. It almost looked like Nebula's skin tone, but slightly more purple. Nebula didn’t have lines tracing her skin either, at least not that he'd seen. There was something familiar about the way his arm looked, but Loki couldn't place it. Likely it was some magical side-effect they'd read about in Defence Against the Dark Arts. 

When Tom touched the blue flesh, Loki couldn't help but shiver. Tom's fingers were so  _ hot. _ Like a near-scalding cup of tea. Or slipping into a bath on a chilly evening. 

"Sorry, does it tickle?" 

Loki shook his head. "No, you're just… hot."

"Sorry." Tom snatched his hand back. 

Loki swallowed down a whine at the loss of contact.. “It wasn’t a complaint.” 

“I can’t actually tell that right now.” 

“Sorry.” Loki lowered his shields and Tom visibly relaxed. “I don't mind  _ you  _ feeling me.” Tom seemed to be willfully ignorant of Loki’s feelings, but that didn’t mean he would stop trying to let Tom know how he felt, one way or another. 

“Thank you.” Tom rubbed his thumb over the back of Loki's other, normally colored hand. “I really missed you.” 

“I did as well. I'm sorry. I really did think I was doing the right thing by distancing myself.” Had he been wrong? It was hard to say. 

“I know. But you have to trust me. I know my own powers, even if I don't have the full extent of them yet. I'd be able to tell if you were influencing me.” 

“To be fair, you do act differently when we're together.” 

“Of course I do. I need you.” 

Loki bit his lip. Gods, he kept  _ saying _ things like that. Things that made Loki want to kiss him until neither of them could kiss anymore, but Tom didn’t mean it like that. He needed Loki’s friendship, not his romantic devotion. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, Loki. I… I think I understand why you felt the need to pull away, but please trust me to know my own mind.” 

But did Tom know his own mind? Was he feeling Loki’s lust and love and taking them into himself? Or was Tom feeling these things himself and not recognizing them for what they were? Or Was Loki just seeing what he wanted to see? Or…

This spiral of guilt and confusion ground to a halt as Tom pulled him into a clinging hug. Loki couldn’t help but hug back as tightly as he could. He’d missed this so much. Even if there weren’t kisses, the hugs were wonderful. Moments when Tom clung to him like he was afraid that Loki would vanish if he let go. Loki buried his face against Tom’s neck and held on for dear life. His lips were less than a centimeter from Tom’s skin. It would take no effort at all to kiss him. He smelled wonderful. Like everything Loki had ever wanted. Like home. 

Before Loki could lose his battle with temptation, someone cleared their throat behind them. Tom let go, much to Loki’s dismay. Madam Mantis handed Loki a potion. It smelled awful and smoked, but he downed it in just a few gulps. It tasted worse than it smelled, but that was par for the course with healing potions. 

His left arm felt like it was on fire. Like tiny biting insects coated his flesh. They burned away at the blue. Loki shook his arm, as though he could dislodge something that was inside of him. “It stings.” 

“That is perfectly normal. The reaction will clear soon.” 

Once the blue was completely gone, Loki flexed his fingers, then rubbed his hands together. “It’s back to normal.” His left hand was still a little cooler than his right, but that sometimes happened anyway. Once the Matron was satisfied that Loki was fine, she chased them out of the Hospital Wing, and they headed up to the party. 

However, as they climbed the many stairs, it became clear to Loki that Tom was still acting rather odd. He was smiling constantly. He moved so quickly - like a hummingbird - in tight, barely controlled motions. After weeks of watching his best friend deteriorate, this was a stark contrast. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Yes, wonderful. Why?” 

“You seem a bit… distracted.” 

Tom looked at him, smile still lurking. “I feel a bit like I ate too many sweets, but otherwise, I’m doing extremely well.” He squeezed Loki’s hand. “I’ve felt like I was living in a black and white film for the past six weeks, and now all the color is back. Like that scene in… Oh, sorry.” 

“What?” 

“I was going to reference a Muggle film that you’ve never seen.” 

“Ah.” Someday, he’d have to find a way to a way to watch some of these “films” that Tom and Anthony were always on about. 

“But I’m fine, Loki. So much better than I have been. I feel like haven’t seen you in a thousand years.” 

Loki grinned. “I feel the same way, even though we see one another every day.” 

Tom nodded.. “So what happened?” 

“When?” 

Tom rolled his eyes. “When you came to rescue me?” 

“Ah. That.” Loki looked around and pulled Tom into one of the empty classrooms near the stairs. They used to spend so much time in deserted classrooms. Before things got… complicated. Still, Tom sat in the window well as he usually did. Loki hesitated. He wanted to be in as much contact with Tom as he could, but was it alright to just dive back in? A memory of the masked and hooded figure in the Great Hall, pointing his wand at a cowering Tom popped to mind. 

Tom could die tomorrow, and Loki would never be able to touch him again. That decided him. He scooted into the window enclosure and lay down with his head in Tom’s lap. Loki had always loved this position, even before the sexual ramifications of it sunk in. It felt incredibly intimate, even if they weren’t boyfriends. Even if he couldn’t do what he wanted while he was there, it was still wonderful. “Gods, I’ve been wanting this for an age.” 

Tom was silent for a long moment. For a moment, Loki was afraid that he’d done something wrong by laying here. Maybe Tom was uncomfortable? He looked up and saw that Tom was flushed. That could honestly mean anything though; Tom blushed all the time. Or he might be worn out from the day’s excitement. 

Finally, Tom cleared his throat. “You were saying? About the rescue?” 

There was something a bit off with his tone, but Loki smiled and told his side of the story. The revelation that the attacker had planned to kill Tom made Loki’s heart clench. Nothing was worth that. Tom’s life was precious, far more valuable than his own, and Loki had wasted so much time already. 

“Gods…” Loki sat up and drew Tom into a tight hug. “To think I could have lost you, and we've been barely speaking. I'm so sorry.” 

Tom clung to him. “I've missed you so much,” he whispered. “All I could think about was not being able to say goodbye. Please don't…” 

“I won't. I promise.” Loki replied. “I’ll never do anything like that again.” They were so close. Tom’s hair teased his nose. He could feel breath against his skin. It would be so easy to turn, just a little bit, and kiss Tom’s neck. Or his hair, his cheek, his lips… 

Loki sighed. The temptation was far too great. He pulled away before he could act out one of those fantasies. “We should head upstairs before they send out a search party.” 

He thought Tom seemed reluctant to leave their cozy spot, but he was probably imagining that. Who wouldn’t want to be at their own birthday party? 

And the party was so much better now. They sat side by side, touching as much as they could. Anthony gave Loki several interrogative looks, but things were far too complicated to explain. 

When almost everyone had left, Loki claimed the last slice of chocolate cake and gave it to Tom. 

"Are you sure?" 

Loki smiled, shrugged, and did his best to not let on how much he’d enjoyed watching Tom eat his first slice of cake when they first got to the party.  _ That _ was an experience worth repeating. Tom had made love to that cake, not eaten it. 

But Loki wasn’t going to say  _ that. _

"I've already had two. Besides, you've lost weight since Christmas. I think you're even thinner than I am now. Eat." 

Tom smiled at him and ate the cake. Loki lay with his head in Tom's lap again so he could get a better view of the cake-love-making experience. 

"I'll try not to get any crumbs on you." 

Loki laughed. "I'll live if you do." 

It was completely worth it. Tom took his time with this slice, and dear  _ gods _ it was sexy. He closed his eyes with every bite, made small moans of pleasure, licked the fork clean. A small smudge of chocolate clung to the corner of his mouth. Loki wanted to lick it off. 

A couple of bits of chocolate got into Loki's hair, but he hardly noticed. Once he was done eating, Tom brushed the crumbs away, running his fingers through Loki’s hair in the process. 

Loki smiled up at him. "You've got a bit of icing on your face." He gestured to his own lips, where the spot of chocolate lingered on Tom’s face. 

Tom wiped at his mouth. "Did I get it?" 

"No." This was terribly amusing. 

Tom tried again and missed the spot. 

"Here, let me." Loki sat up and twisted around. He ran his thumb over the corner of Tom's lips a couple of times. "Got it." He licked the icing off his thumb. That felt incredibly intimate. A step or two away from a kiss, but far more innocent. 

Tom shot to his feet and nearly ran to the cake table. 

Loki blinked at his back in confusion. “Are you alright?” 

Tom turned to face him. “I... just… Just embarrassed.” He wiped at the corner of his mouth with a napkin. “I feel a bit like I spilled something at a posh party.” 

“Ah.” Loki nodded. Of course Tom would be embarrassed by something like that. “I can see why you would feel that way, but I shan’t judge you. There are only the three of us here, after all. And I don’t believe Anthony is paying any attention.” 

“Nope, none whatsoever,” Tony chimed in, not taking his eyes off his game. 

Loki rolled his eyes and nodded towards Anthony. "You see?" 

Tom gave a shaky nod. "I can't really control being embarrassed." 

"I suppose that's fair.” It was probably best to try and derail whatever embarrassment Tom might be dealing with. “We should probably head out." Loki got to his feet. “Come along, Anthony, you need to sleep sometime.” 

“Fine.” The other boy scored a goal with his next move and shut the table down. 

The three of them left the room and headed down the stairs until they got to the main staircase. Loki pulled Tom into a tight hug. He wanted to kiss Tom so desperately. It didn’t help that Tom clung to him like a drowning man. "I… I'm sorry. For... everything." 

"You're forgiven." 

Some of the tension Loki hadn’t been able to lose all evening drained away. "Thank you." He pulled away and smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow." He gave Anthony another smile and patted his arm. Hopefully he would get the message that nothing had changed between them. He might be speaking with Tom again, but it wasn’t as though the other had shown any interest in deepening their friendship beyond where they were. "Both of you." 

Tony grinned. He seemed to understand Loki’s cryptic message. "Later." 

Tom smiled at Loki. "G’night." 

“Goodnight.” Loki waved at them and padded down the stairs. 

o0o

Once he was back to normal, it took a day for Tom to ask about Loki and Anthony addressing one another by their first names. He seemed to accept the explanation Loki gave. It even had the advantage of being true, if not complete. It  _ did _ seem overly formal to call someone he’d been friends with for so long by their last name, though of course that hadn’t been the whole reason. 

He and Anthony discussed it again, and decided that Tom didn’t need any more of a shock, not when he was just getting comfortable with Loki again. The potential bombshell that Loki was gay was not something they needed right now. Loki had spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out how Tom felt about the idea that one of his friends might be attracted to him - Anthony made an excellent example for this - and had gotten mixed results. Tom didn’t seem uncomfortable  _ or _ interested. Nor did he pick up that Loki might have an ulterior motive for asking. 

It was very frustrating. 

And Tom was acting a bit odd over all. Loki did his best to not obsess, but it was difficult not to. Tom clung to Loki and distanced himself in turns. Whenever Loki asked if anything was wrong, Tom came up with an excuse. 

The afternoon they went to the village together was an excellent example. 

Anthony made a new friend, which would leave the two of them on their own. When Loki approached Anthony in the sweet shop, he was busily chatting up the pretty Hufflepuff fourth year. 

“Sorry Lokes, you mind if I...?” He gestured to the girl. 

“Not at all. I look forward to finding out what you’ve learned.” 

Anthony grinned. “I’ll give you the play by play later.” 

Loki snickered. “This will give me an opportunity to see if Tom will tell me what’s bothering him.” 

“I won’t wait up.” 

Loki rolled his eyes, but gave the other boy a small smile. “I live in hope.” 

Despite the rain, it was lovely to just  _ be _ with Tom. They found a tiny used bookshop off the high street and spent a good hour exploring the dusty shop. Loki was ecstatic to see the pure joy on Tom’s face as he found new and fascinating books in the crowded shelves. Tom had been miserable for so long… Loki had missed that sunshine smile. And of course, the cramped space meant that they had to huddle together more often than not. 

Loki was rather pleased with that. 

All too soon it was time to head up to the castle for supper. A sudden deluge on the walk back saw them diving for a nearby tree. 

“It’s coming down in buckets!” 

Loki pressed closer to Tom and looked out from under the branches. “Indeed. We might need to stay here for a bit, otherwise we’ll get soaked.” 

“Mmmm.” 

Loki glanced over at Tom, who quickly looked away. His cheeks were a bit pink, but that might just be from the cold. “Are you alright?” 

“Y… yes, fine.” 

Loki sighed. "Will you please tell me what’s bothering you?" 

"I don't really want to… to go back." 

"Back to the castle?" 

Tom sighed and looked down at his hands. "I don't like that… that we have to not be together." 

Loki's breath caught. Surely he was reading too much into that statement. "You mean at supper?" 

Tom shrugged. "Any of it. I hate that we have to break the rules just to spend time together. I wish… Sometimes... I wish we'd both been sorted into Ravenclaw or something." 

"I've thought the same thing many times." Of course it would have been impossible to avoid one another if they were in the same House. And certain… other things might be more difficult. "We'd likely drive poor Banner mad." 

Tom giggled. "Probably." 

"Perhaps…" Loki trailed off. 

"Yes?" 

"Perhaps it's for the best. You'd tire of me if we lived in one another's pockets." 

Tom shook his head. "Never." 

Loki gave him a sad, crooked smile. "You'll have to ask Pietro how I am as a roommate. Apparently I snore." 

Tom giggled. "I sleep in the same room as Thor, remember? It sounds like a thunderstorm most nights." 

Loki chuckled. "My room at home is about as far away from Thor's as your’s is from mine at school." 

"So that's why you were sorted into Slytherin, to keep the same distance from Thor."

Loki laughed. "The secret is out! No, it wasn't because of ambition, or my devious nature, it was all to stay away from my obnoxious cousin." 

Tom snickered. "Ravenclaw tower wasn't far enough! It had to be the darkest cellars." 

"Our common room is really quite pleasant," Loki replied. "We have a lovely view of the lake." 

Tom frowned. "Isn't the Slytherin common room underground?" 

"It is. The windows are underwater." 

Tom's eyes went wide. "Wow." 

"I'll have to sneak you in at some point. It's very comfortable." 

"I'd like that." Tom's response was warm, almost wistful. 

"Perhaps next year." Loki pushed down the fantasies that sprang to mind of Tom finally being in his bed. 

“That would be nice. After all, you’ve already seen my common room and dormitory.” 

Loki smiled. “I wasn’t exactly paying attention to the interior design while I was there. I was too concerned about you. I hardly had the time to take a good look around.” 

The memory of that incident when Tom tried to reach out with his empathic senses to Loki across the castle was a mixed one. Tom had been overloaded by the ambient emotion that flooded the castle and had only been able to come back to himself with the assistance of Loki’s physical presence. Tom had stopped breathing and been so distressed that Loki’s heart had nearly stopped from anxiety. And of course, Tom’s half of their mirrors cracked, which deprived Loki of his favorite bedtime activity and the communication they both craved. 

On the other hand, he’d finally been able to see what Tom’s bed looked like. The way Tom had said is name when he first learned Loki was there, like whispering to a secret lover. The other boy’s “I wish you could stay” murmured just as sweetly. The way Tom had clung to him. All of these things had fueled Loki’s fantasies for months afterwards. 

He hadn’t missed the mirrors as much as he thought he might. 

Eventually the rain let up to the point where their umbrella charms were sufficient to keep them dry, and Loki and Tom raced for the castle. They were a bit late for supper, so they went straight to the Great Hall. When they parted at the Gryffindor table, Tom gave him a sad smile and small wave. With so many other people about, Loki was loath to give Tom the hug they both so desperately wanted, let alone the kiss that Loki desired. Instead, he smiled back and drifted over to his own table. 

That night they were able to talk before bed for the first time in months. It was wonderful to be able to devote his attention to Tom and nothing but Tom in the privacy of an empty dormitory room. 

It was good to have things go back to normal at long last. 


	3. A Matter of Time

****

Loki and Anthony continued their odd liaison. Nothing had changed between them, despite Anthony becoming involved with other people. None of those other relationships lasted for more than a week or two, but if nothing else, Anthony was learning from his new partners and passing that knowledge along to Loki. 

Practice certainly did make perfect. 

After spending the hours after lunch exploring the newest techniques Anthony had picked up, Loki wandered back down to his dormitory. Perhaps a bath might be in order before he tackled the pile of homework awaiting him. Maybe a nap afterwards? No, that would just be putting off the homework… 

The corridor near the common room entrance was usually deserted this time of day on a weekend, but Tom sat against one of the walls near the staircase. His eyes were closed, a look of concentration on his face. Had Tom been looking for him? A flash of guilt went through Loki as he walked over. 

“Tom? What are you doing down here? Are you alright?” 

Tom grinned, then opened his eyes. He looked up at Loki, face tilted to an appealing angle. “Hi. I’m fine.” 

Despite the reassurance, Loki was concerned. This was odd behavior, even for Tom, who’d been acting particularly strangely for the last few months. He knelt down beside Tom and put a hand on his shoulder. “Why are you sitting in the corridor?” 

Tom leaned into the contact. “I really am fine, Loki, it’s alright. I was just helping Peter and his friends.” 

Loki raised an eyebrow at him. “By sitting in the corridor?” 

“Legilimotcy stuff,” Tom tapped his temple. “It’s a bit complicated to explain.” 

That made far more sense than Tom waiting for him down here. “Ah.” Loki shifted so he was sitting pressed up against Tom’s side. “I think I understand. Did you achieve your goal?” 

“Probably.” Tom wrapped his arm around Loki, pulling him close. 

Loki leaned his head on Tom’s shoulder with a sigh. This was wonderful. Exactly what he wanted. Well, kisses would be better, but this would do. There was no urgency to his desire, just a need to be together. He could feel Tom’s breath on his scalp. It stirred his hair in an intriguing way. It took Loki a moment to notice, but Tom was breathing very quickly. Almost like he was running. 

“Are you certain that you’re alright?” 

“Hmmm? Oh. Yes. I’m fine. I just… I’m a bit distracted.” 

He kept saying that, but Loki was increasingly certain that something else was going on. “You’ve been ‘a bit distracted’ for a while now.” 

Tom froze. “What do you mean?” 

“Just that. You’ve seemed… very much in your own world for the past few months.” Loki lifted his head so he could look at Tom more easily. He was certain that Tom was at least trying to dissemble, if not out and out lie to him. 

“S… Sorry.” 

Of course he’d apologize. “It’s not a complaint, it’s an observation. Perhaps you’re working too hard.” Loki laid a hand on Tom’s forehead. “You’re warmer than usual.” 

“Maybe, I… I’ve been…” Tom paused. His eyes moved rapidly as he searched Loki’s face. “I’ve been a bit stressed.” 

He was lying. Loki was certain of it. “Is there anything I can help with?” 

“I don’t know.” Tom looked away, down at his hands. “Probably not.” 

Gods, there  _ was  _ something going on. There had to be. Maybe Tom had noticed that he and Anthony were together? Did it bother him? Or... “Are you quite certain? I know I haven’t been around as much as I usually am.” 

“It’s fine, Loki. Really. I’m fine. This is nothing like when we weren’t talking. I’m happy to have a bit of time to myself. I’m… fine.” 

Loki frowned. Maybe if he asked more directly? “Is there something bothering you?” 

“I… I’ve had some odd dreams recently, but I’d, umm... rather not talk about them.” 

“Ah.” Of course. More sex dreams. Why was Tom so uncomfortable with sexuality? There must be a reason. Most fourteen year old boys were at the very least having sexual urges and happily taking care of those urges themselves. Loki had thought that Tom had figured those things out by now, but perhaps he’d been wrong. And as much as he wanted to hear details, that was a selfish impulse. He wasn’t about to push Tom on this. “Don’t worry, I shan’t press you.” 

Tom visibly relaxed. “Thanks.” 

“Of course.” Loki did his best to put this all out of his mind and leaned against Tom again. “I’m happy to see you down here, no matter what the cause.” 

Tom gave him a little squeeze and Loki relaxed. At the very least, he could enjoy these unexpected moments together. 

When Anthony’s brother and his friends came along, Loki silently cursed them for interrupting, but he was curious about why they were all down here. A wriggling Kumo-kun in Peter’s arms explained much. Anthony had told Loki about the spider-thautomaton that the Mahoutokoro champion designed, and how he and his brother were helping her with it. The younger Stark was still looking to find his brother. Given that it took about as long to get to Gryffindor tower from their hideaway as it did to get down here, Loki had a fair idea of where Anthony was. 

“He should be back at the tower by now,” Loki told them. “I’m certain he’ll be glad to assist you.” 

Peter grinned. “Great! Come on guys.” 

The three first years scampered away towards the stairs.

Tom sighed. “I should probably go too.” 

Loki’s heart sank. “Must you?” 

He nodded. “I have so much homework to take care of before Monday.” 

“Ah, yes. As do I.” Homework he’d been putting off, but he didn’t want to let Tom go, even if his presence would be terribly distracting.. Loki shifted around so he could look at Tom more easily. “Perhaps we could work on it together?” 

“I…” Tom paused. “Maybe after supper? I’m having a hard time focusing.” 

“Mmmm, very well.” Loki scrambled to his feet, offered Tom a hand and pulled him upright. “I’ll see you at supper.” He pulled Tom into a hug. They clung together for a long moment. Being this close was intoxicating. Loki wanted to pull him even closer, taste his skin, his mouth, wring whatever sounds he could from the other boy’s throat. Tom shuddered in his arms, almost as though Loki had given in to his temptations. 

Tom pulled away a moment later and pushed up his glasses. “See you later.” 

Loki gave him a small smile. “I look forward to it.” 

Tom returned the smile, then raced for the stairs. 

o0o

Things continued much as they had. As final exams loomed, Natasha and Nebula joined the study group that he, Tom, and Anthony had formed. Tom seemed increasingly stressed and nervous, to the point that he wasn't able to assist Loki with planning Anthony's birthday party. 

He asked Natasha her opinion the evening before the party. 

"Something's going on," she told him. "You're right about that. I  _ think _ it has to do with you, since he acts more furtive when you're around, but as to what? I don’t know." She shrugged. "I assume you've asked?" 

"Of course. He won't tell me. He just keeps coming up with excuses." 

"Try talking to him at Stark's party. He might be more relaxed." 

"I doubt it." 

Loki's doubts proved correct. Tom kept to himself all night. If he wasn't huddled in a corner of the green sofa, he was getting cake or a drink, and those only rarely. 

Fine. Loki would take a more direct approach. He sat in the empty seat by Tom's side. "Are you alright?” 

Tom shrugged. 

Loki set a hand on Tom’s shoulder, a clear invitation for Tom to read his emotions. To feel his concern. "What’s the matter?” 

Tom twitched under his hand, but didn't move. "Nothing." 

Loki frowned. Tom wasn't even lying  _ well _ now. "It's not nothing. I wish you'd tell me what's been bothering you." 

Tom was silent for a long moment.“I can’t help thinking about all the homework we need to do. The exams, all of that.” 

Loki was certain this was yet another excuse, but it didn't do to accuse one's friends of lying. “Try to forget it, at least for the moment.” 

“Easier said than done.” 

Loki couldn’t quite help himself from flirting, just a bit. “Mmm. Shall I distract you?” 

“How?” 

"I'm sure I can come up with something." Loki looked Tom up and down. He wanted to be done with all this hiding and dissembling. For a brief, wonderful moment, Loki allowed himself to picture kissing Tom. Just bring their lips together as he'd been aching to do for years. But then Tom blushed, and Loki realized that nothing good could come of this impulse. Tom was an innocent. He just didn't think like that. 

If his best friend was still somewhat a child, Loki would deal with him as a child. 

He leaned in and tickled Tom's sides. 

Tom immediately started giggling. Loki knew from past experience that Tom was very ticklish, so he went for the most vulnerable spots. 

"No!" Tom gasped through his laughter. "No, please stop!" 

Loki didn't listen. This was actually rather fun, and it gave him the chance to touch parts of Tom he normally didn’t allow himself. 

Tom squirmed and blocked Loki's hands. He pushed and twisted, giggling all the while. One particularly rough shove threw Loki off balance and he slipped. Before he could catch himself, Loki fell and landed on top of Tom with a small "uff."

They were pressed together far more closely than when they hugged. It took Loki a second to realize that something was... different. The unmistakable hardness of an erection was pressed into his belly. 

Loki's eyes went wide. 

Tom winced, blushed bright red, shoved Loki off of him, and ran from the room. 

Loki picked himself up off the floor and swore. "Damnit damnit damnit!" He chased after Tom. 

But Tom was a runner and was used to climbing hundreds of extras stairs a day. He was faster than Loki and had a head start. It didn’t matter that Loki could feel where Tom was; by the time he got to the entrance to Gryffindor tower, the portrait gallery was deserted. 

He looked at the blonde witch painting. "You're not going to let me in, are you?" 

She shook her head. 

"Please! I need to talk to him." 

She shook her head again. "He doesn't want to see you." 

Loki swore quietly to himself. Paintings, when given a task, were incredibly loyal to that task. "I just need to tell him that it's alright." 

"Sorry." She shrugged. "My duty is pretty clear here. And no matter how close you are to my charges, you're still a Slytherin." 

Loki wanted to scream, or throw things, but none of that would help. He hadn't even thought through the full ramifications of what had just happened. He’d just reacted. “Very well. I understand.” He turned and padded back down the stairs. He’d have to talk to Tom tomorrow. 

Loki met Anthony on his way back down from the tower. 

“What happened? Why did Sir Galahad freak out?” 

“Ah…” For some reason it felt wrong to tell Anthony what had happened. Like he was sharing a secret that wasn’t his to tell. However, the other boy might have some insight. “How much did you see?” 

“Not much of anything, I was talking to Nebula. I heard one of you laughing. A lot. Then Angel Boy was running out of the room like it was on fire and you were after him.” 

“Can you really not tell which one of us is laughing at any given time?” 

Anthony shrugged. “Sometimes. You have some laughs that are different, but you both giggle the same way.” 

“Interesting.” Loki had never really thought about this. Tom’s voice never sounded exactly like his own to his ears. 

“Stop trying to distract me. What happened?” 

"I tried to talk to him again, and…" Loki's rationale seemed ridiculous now. Whatever else he was, Tom was not still a child. "I tickled him. Just to distract him, since he's been so tense, I thought it might do him good." 

"Okay, that explains the giggling, but not the freak-out." 

"He knocked me off balance and I landed on him." 

"Okaaaaay…"

"He was… hard." 

Anthony's mouth dropped open. "Seriously?" 

Loki nodded. 

"Mr. ‘blush at the mention of sex’?" 

Loki rolled his eyes. "Anthony, we knew that he was a functional more-or-less adult human male if nothing else." 

"Yeah, but… Geez, no wonder he flipped." Anthony ran his hands over his face. "But… why? Does he have a thing for tickling?" 

"How should I know? I can't tell what he's thinking or feeling." 

"Sometimes you can." 

"Only if he's extremely distressed." 

"Fair." 

"I'll try and find out what happened tomorrow. Leave him be for now. Hopefully he'll tell me…" Loki shrugged. "It might have been purely random. These things happen." 

"Yeah, but it might not have been. He might be into you." 

"I can't assume that. It might have had nothing to do with me." Loki couldn't afford to get his hopes up. 

"Yeah, okay. I'll leave him alone for the moment. Let me know if you want me to talk to him." 

"I shall. Thank you." 

But Tom refused to talk to him. Loki tried over and over again, but Tom wouldn't even look at him. He wouldn't answer the two-way mirror, he sat as far away from everyone as he could at meals and lessons. Tom didn't even study with them anymore. Anthony tried to speak with him in their dormitory and Tom actually put his fingers in his ears rather than listen to what the American had to say. 

This was so frustrating! 

After a few days of this, he stopped trying to talk to Tom and asked Anthony to do the same. It seemed like they were just making the situation worse. 

In between bouts of frustration, studying, and gazing longingly across various rooms, Loki decided what he needed was a distraction. If he'd been at home, he'd explore the manor library to find a new book to occupy his distressed mind. But Tom had taken to studying in the school library, and Loki didn't want to bother him. Or torture himself with the other boy's nearness. 

A dive into his trunk to see if he had anything that he hadn't read five times already bore fruit. The books that Tom gave him for Christmas. On one hand, it would be painful to interact with Tom’s gift when the other boy was avoiding him. On the other, the books would remind Loki of Tom only because they were a gift from him, the content had no direct relationship. It might be an exercise in masochism, but Loki at least had to try and distract himself. 

Tom had been right, the main character was very much like Loki himself. He was in a much higher societal position - the first born  _ legitimate _ son of a lord - but other than that… It was chilling how much they had in common. 

As the book progressed, Loki had the sneaking suspicion that the main character was more like him than he would have thought. That he was gay was less of a shock than the boy he fell in love with. A wizard - though the book used the term “mage” - who had curling blond hair, a sunny disposition, and the power of empathy. 

Loki found himself flipping back and forth in the book to confirm what this other boy looked like. He had dark eyes, but other than that, he looked incredibly like Tom. 

Tom hadn’t read the books before he gave them to Loki. It wasn’t impossible that he’d lied about that, but why would he? It might have been just a coincidence, but Loki’s mother was a seer. He didn’t believe in coincidence. 

He raced through the remainder of the book. It was heartbreaking to see the tragedy of the two teenager’s relationship. They loved one another like a passionate all-consuming bonfire. Then the boy who so resembled Tom went mad. He slaughtered his brother’s murders; the whole clan of them died in a conflagration of magic and pain. Repudiated by everyone but his lover, he leapt from the top of a tower and died. 

And yet, the story went on. The boy who resembled Loki lived, despite trying to follow his lover into death. He became a powerful magician himself. And despite his pain and loneliness, he lived. 

Loki read the whole book in one night. He read the next book the next day, the last book the next. 

It was a revelation. 

Romance in books had always seemed… off to Loki. When he realized that he was gay - at the tender age of twelve - it all fell into place. He couldn’t identify with these heroes because they didn’t represent him in a meaningful way. But here… here he saw himself more clearly than ever before. And it was a storm of pain and loneliness. 

But how did he avoid that fate? 

Tom had to be the key. It just didn’t make sense for Tom to be behaving like this unless there was something substantial behind it. Yes, his doppelganger was shy, especially about sexuality, but if the incident at Anthony’s party had just been an accident or not related to Loki at all, he likely would have come out of his funk by now. If Tom did fancy boys, Loki himself in particular, then his behavior over the last few months made a great deal more sense. 

He couldn’t be certain, of course. And since Tom refused to speak with him, it was unlikely that Loki could get the truth from him directly. 

Loki pondered for several days. He watched Tom even more closely than usual. He even went so far as to make himself invisible and follow Tom to see how he behaved when he thought he was alone. Then he conjured an illusion of himself, to see how Tom reacted. 

Tom gazed at the illusion - who had his back to them both - like his heart was breaking. 

It broke Loki’s heart to see it. 

But how to get Tom to see that Loki felt the same way? 

The week of finals, he cornered Tom at breakfast, shoved the first book of the oddly prescient series into his hands, and walked away. 

After that, it was just a matter of time. 


	4. A Hidden Shade of Blue

When Loki looked back on his time at Hogwarts in later years, the day of the third task would stand out as the most pivotal - if not the most important - day of his young adult life. 

It started out fairly normally. He woke and had breakfast at his usual Saturday time. Only he and Natasha were at the Slytherin table from their year, but there was nothing odd about that. Neither Anthony nor Tom was at the Gryffindor table. The former was completely expected. The latter was unusual, but not unheard of. 

Since exams were over, and the third task wasn’t scheduled to happen until after lunch, Loki was at a bit of a loose end. Rather than go back to the common room, he wandered up to the upstairs room to see if anyone else was up and about. Nobody was, but again, there was nothing unusual about that. 

Loki lay on the green sofa and stared at the ceiling for a long while. He wondered if Tom had finally gotten to read the book Loki had given him almost a week ago, and if it would make a difference. He missed Tom like one of his arms had been removed. This was worse than when they’d stopped spending so much time together in January. They weren’t spending  _ any  _ time together at all now, and it made him ache. Even if Loki hadn’t been in love with Tom, he still would have missed his best friend. Anthony was fun, brilliant, and very talented, but it just wasn’t the same. In some ways, Loki missed the days before he’d discovered sex. When the three of them would simply have fun together, planning pranks, or just talking. He hated that Tom was so distressed by his own sexuality that he felt he had to hide from his best friends. 

He must have fallen asleep pondering these thoughts since the next thing Loki knew, someone was kissing him. For one brilliant moment, he thought it was Tom. That he'd read the book and realized that Loki was in love with him. He wrapped his arm around the other boy's neck and kissed back with all the sleepy passion he could muster. 

He realized a few seconds later that it was Anthony kissing him, not Tom. Loki always knew where Tom was when he thought about it, and he was  _ not _ in the same room as Loki. That was disappointing. Then again, kissing Anthony was fairly worthwhile in its own right. He was an excellent kisser, thanks in no small part to Loki. 

"Hey Sleeping Beauty." 

"Are you my prince now?" 

"Sorry, no monarchy where I come from." 

Loki chuckled. "Ah, too bad. And here I thought that my fortunes were set." 

"I think you're closer to being a prince than I am." Anthony settled in beside Loki on the sofa. 

There wasn't much room, despite them both being slender, so Loki shifted so that he was on his side and wrapped himself around Anthony's legs and torso. "Not so. Even if my father was a king, I wouldn't be able to inherit the crown." 

"You could marry into it." 

Loki laughed. "Unlikely." 

"Yeah, fair enough." Anthony gave him another small kiss. "So, how goes operation 'get Tom's head out of his ass'?" 

"I've no idea. I haven't seen him since yesterday, and he looked as furtive as usual. Was he awake when you left the tower?" 

"Don't think so. His bed curtains were still shut when I left for breakfast." 

Loki bit his lip. "I'm worried about him. I don't know what I'll do if this isn't settled by the time we have to go home." 

"We can always corner him on the train. It's not like he can aparate away." 

"I'd prefer it not come to that, but I suppose it's better than spending the whole summer not knowing." 

"Yup. Hopefully he'll be at the task and we can talk to him then. In the meantime, you should try and relax." 

Loki sighed. "I'm rather having difficulty with that at the moment." 

"I think I can probably help." 

"Can you now?" 

"Yup." Anthony drew him into another kiss. Deeper this time. It was easy to get lost in it. Easy to drift in the slide of lips and tongues, and not worry about what would happen next. This was simple. Uncomplicated. 

A sharp pain went through Loki's chest. Before he could react to it, the crash of a slammed door invaded his ears. 

Anthony pulled away and looked up. "What the fuck?" 

Loki reached out with his mind and soul and let out a cry of dismay. "That was Tom." 

"Shit, really?" 

Loki nodded, and they both sat up. Loki cradled his head in his hands. “Oh gods, he’s  _ so _ upset.” 

Anthony soothed a hand up and down Loki’s back. “Where is he?” 

“He’s running away from us, that’s all I can tell. That way.” He pointed west and down. “He’s not headed back to Gryffindor tower.” Loki rubbed at his chest. It felt like something was lodged in his heart. “He definitely saw us.” 

“And is super pissed off about it?” 

“No. More… heartbroken.” 

“Shit.” 

“Yes.” 

“What do we do?” 

“I don’t know. He still moving. I don’t think he’s going anywhere in particular, just running.” Loki looked up at met Anthony’s worried brown gaze. “How did we miss this?” 

Anthony shrugged. “He’s been hiding it. He hasn’t talked to either of us in weeks, so how were we supposed to know?” 

“I don’t know… I just…” A particularly sharp stab went through his heart. “Oh gods.” Loki leaned over, rubbed his chest again, but nothing alleviated the pain. “He’s hurting so badly.” 

“Any idea where he might end up so you can talk to him?” 

Loki shook his head. “He keeps changing direction.” 

“So there’s no way to catch him. He’s too damned fast.” Anthony glanced at his watch. “It’s nearly lunchtime. Hopefully he’ll show up then. If not lunch, then maybe he’ll come to the task.” He got to his feet and held out a hand to Loki. “Come on, there’s no use staying up here.” 

Loki allowed himself to be pulled upright and the two of them went down to the Great Hall. Loki kept checking on Tom, to see where he was, but the location moved near constantly. He never came to the Great Hall. Perhaps he was just getting used to it, but the agony Loki felt through his link to Tom lessened to a dull ache. Still, Loki picked at his lunch, stomach too knotted to be able to eat much. 

By the time they left the Hall to head out to the task site, Tom was still wandering around the castle. 

Loki’s heart sank. He needed to talk to Tom, but without knowing where he was going, there was no way that Loki could catch up to him. Hogwarts was a maze of secret passageways and hidden rooms, and Tom knew his way around at least as well as Loki did. 

“Come on, there’s nothing you can do. We might as well head out to the task.” Anthony took his arm and the two of them walked out to the task site. 

As they reached the barrier around the site, a dark figure stepped out in front of them. Loki and Tony both looked up to see Bobby Drake, the Ilvermorny champion. 

The older teenager smiled at them. “Hey, you’re Loki, right?” 

Loki’s eyebrows went up. He’d never even spoken to Bobby Drake before. “I am, yes.” 

The older boy’s smile widened. “Can you come with me for a sec? I’ve got something for you.” He gestured for Loki to follow him. 

Loki frowned and turned to Anthony. “I’ll catch up with you shortly. Hold a seat for me, and one for Tom as well. Hopefully he’ll be along soon.” 

Anthony nodded. “Sure, no prob. I’ll see you in a few.” He headed up into the stands, to the area where they’d sat for the last two tasks. 

Loki followed the American champion into the large tent beside the fog that covered the actual task itself. It was open, with sand-colored canvas walls. Drake lead Loki through a small maze of fabric hallways. 

“What is that you have for me?” Loki asked. 

“You’ll see.” 

Loki scowled. This was very strange. The older boy’s body language didn’t hint at any ulterior motive, but the situation was suspicious. He slid his wand from his sleeve down into his hand, prepared to defend himself the best he could should something go awry. 

Loki had been prepared for something to go wrong. For this to be a trap or at least a situation he’d prefer not to be in. Professor Fury made sure that they all knew how to look for danger, and how to protect themselves from unexpected. What Loki was not prepared for was an eighteen foot tall Frost Giant standing outside the tent. 

“Good afternoon, Mr. Friggason,” the giant said in smooth, gentlemanly tones. “If you would come with me please?” 

Loki swallowed hard. He looked at Bobby Drake - who didn’t seem nearly so tall now - to see if this is what the American teenager had been expecting. The older boy’s eyes were oddly blank, his previous, friendly expression gone. Loki looked back at the giant. There was absolutely nothing he could do against such a creature. Giants were immune to wizard magic. A stunning jinx or even a blasting curse would just bounce off such a creature. If Bobby Drake was working with them, there were spells that could block any sound Loki made or catch him if he tried to run. He was trapped. 

“I take it this is what you had for me?” Loki asked the older boy. 

Bobby Drake looked down at Loki with dead eyes. “You will go with him.” 

Loki raised an eyebrow and looked back and forth between the other two. “Very well, if you insist.” 

The giant smiled. It was not a nice smile. It came across as a bearing of teeth to show dominance rather than any kind of well wishing. “Come with me.” The giant waved a hand to indicate that Loki should precede him. He swallowed hard and stepped forward. 

To Loki’s surprise, the giant guided him back to the castle and into the Great Hall. They walked up to the Triskelion Balance at the front of the room. A man Loki didn’t recognize stood by the rainbow shield and drew his wand as the pair of them approached. 

“What are you doing here?” The man asked in an American accented voice. 

The giant didn’t reply, he just held out his hand. A cloud of white left his palm and shot out to encase the man in a layer of ice. The man tipped backwards and fell to the floor, completely frozen. 

Loki’s eyes went wide. The giant must need him for something, not just want him dead. He wasn’t sure if the frozen wizard was alive or not, but the giant hadn’t harmed Loki. 

“Why have you brought me here?” he asked. 

The giant looked down at Loki. “For thousands of years, giant-kind ruled this world. The Jotunnar ruled the lands of the north, our siblings ruled the lands of the south, and our cousins, the Fire Giants, ruled the lands between. Humans scraped by a bare existence on our borders. Their magic was unformed. Nebulous.” The giant walked up to the Balance and looked down into its rainbow light. “We ruled for milenia. Our power was absolute. Then, twelve thousand years ago, the humans and elves rose up against us. They crystallized their unformed magic and fought against us. After hundreds of years, the smaller beings discovered a way to lock away our power. They captured the cold of our Eternal Winter, and locked it away into the Casket of Ancient Winters.” 

Loki looked at the glowing blue box inside the Triskelion Balance. It was the same color as the Tesseract, though it was much larger. It was beautiful. Cold radiated from it the way that heat left a fire. Loki had actually spent many meals staring at the icy azure glow when he needed to distract himself from gazing longingly at Tom across the Hall. 

“We were reduced by this,” the giant continued. “With so much of our power locked away, we were overcome. The ice melted, and our lands shrank. The wizards destroyed much of their own world in an attempt to destroy us. The human lands were flooded and many died, all to rob us of our rightful place as the sovereigns of Earth.” The giant paused, as though he expected Loki to react in some way. 

“As fascinating as this is,” he drawled. “I’m afraid Professor Carter is far more engaging, if you were keen on teaching History of Magic.” 

To Loki’s surprise, the giant chuckled. The sound was so low that it rattled Loki’s bones. “The wizards teach you nothing but lies. This world is ours by right. They had no authority to claim it for themselves.” 

“Given that humans have controlled this world for nearly twelve thousand years, I rather think we have the high ground.” 

“That ground will belong to us once more, with your aid.” 

Loki raised his eyebrows. He’d expected that the giant wanted something from him, but not this. “My aid? And what can a teenage wizard do that a giant cannot? Other than work proper magic, of course.” 

This time Loki had actually been trying to provoke a negative reaction, but again, the giant laughed. “Such spirit. You are an excellent addition to our clan.” The giant set a huge hand on Loki’s shoulder and pushed him towards the Balance. “You will assist us. Now.” 

Loki shivered. The giant’s hand was freezing cold. He looked down at rainbow shield, then back up at the giant. “Why on Earth should I help you?” 

“It’s your destiny to do this. This the purpose of your existence. You have no choice.” 

“There’s always a choice. I can just leave.” So far the giant hadn’t done anything to harm him. That might change if Loki decided to run, but he had to see how far he could push this creature. 

“Looking as you do now? Do you truly think they will accept you?” 

“Looking as I…” Loki frowned, then looked down at his hands. They were a dark sapphire color traced with raised lines. “What? What did you do to me?” He twisted his hands, pushed up his sleeves, but the color was as uniform as his own normal, pale skin. “What is this?” 

“This is what you truly are. You are one of us.” 

Loki looked up at the giant. Indeed, his skin was the same blue as Loki’s, and traced with similar lines. “I’m not. I’m not! This is… some kind of trick.” It had to be an illusion, or some kind of potion slipped into his morning tea, or... “I can’t be... I’m… I’m human, I’m a wizard!” 

“You are a wizard, but you are not human. You are our savior.” 

“I…” Loki had been an outcast his whole life. Bastard son of a disgraced Pure-blood witch, he was an embarrassment to his family. But at least he’d been a Half-blood. Not a Muggle or a half-breed. He was purely human. Wasn’t he? “I…” Loki covered his face with blue hands. His whole life was a lie. His mother hadn’t been hiding that his father was a Muggle or a dark wizard. He’d been a Frost Giant. 

Loki was creature. A thing. A monster. 

“Let me go!” 

Loki’s head came up with a snap as he heard the voice of his beloved. Tom must have followed him somehow. Or perhaps he’d just stumbled onto Loki’s whereabouts. Oh gods, Tom was  _ terrified  _ of Frost Giants. He’d hate Loki now. Be afraid of his very presence. 

Bobby Drake was back, and he was dragging Tom across the Hall towards them. Tom struggled against the older boy, desperate to get away from the source of his fear. Drake threw Tom across the room as though he weighed no more than a golden snitch, and he landed at Loki’s feet. 

“No.” Loki reached out for Tom, realized that his hand was blue, and snatched it back. “No.” 

Tom reached out towards him. “Loki.” 

Before Loki could do anything, Bobby Drake slammed a booted foot down on Tom’s wrist. Tom cried out and tried to pull his arm away, but he was pinned to the floor. 

“This is the one he protected,” the American said in an empty voice. 

The one he protected? How did he know that? Unless… Was Bobby Drake the person who’d tried to break into the Triskelion Balance back on their birthday? He had to be. 

“Interesting. You care for this human.” The giant sounded as though this was the oddest thing he’d ever heard. 

“I…” Loki looked up at the Frost Giant beside him. He couldn’t let the creature know how much he loved Tom, but at the same time, he couldn’t let him be hurt. “He… he’s my friend.” 

“Then it would be a pity if he was… damaged.” 

Bobby Drake moved and Tom let out another pained cry. 

“Don’t hurt him!” 

“Then you’ll do as I say?” 

“Yes, yes. Whatever you want, just don’t hurt him.” Gods, Professor Fury had been right. Love was a vulnerability. Loki could never live with himself if something happened to Tom because of him. 

“Excellent.” The giant smiled down at them. “You will retrieve the Casket of Ancient Winters and the Orb of Eson from the Triskelion Balance, or your friend will suffer.” 

Loki took a step towards the Balance. Anything to keep Tom safe. 

“Loki, don’t do this.” 

Loki looked down at Tom where he lay sprawled on the floor. He looked so fragile. Like he would break as easily as a twig. Pain etched his face, his glasses knocked askew. “I’m sorry.” Loki looked back to the Frost Giant. “What do you want me to do?” 

“The shield is made of the energies of the three artifacts and the Balance itself. The Casket will obey you. Your blood will call to its ice.” 

Loki walked over to the Balance where it sat on its elaborate table. He looked over at Tom, bit his lip, turned his focus back to the rainbow shield, and held his hands out over it. Loki had never felt anything like this. Magic tickled his palms. It was warm and cold, all at once. The heat of a raging sun, the cold of bitterest winter, and… something else. That tickle wasn’t just the sensation of magical power, it was… laughter. Joy and cunning rolled into one. That laughter called to Loki as much as the cold did. The satisfaction of a wonderful jest, cleverly crafted, and admired by all. 

The deepest winter night, when the stars shone like diamonds in the black velvet sky. The ice fields that had protected Loki when he was young. Kept him from caring that he was despised by everyone around him. Kept him safe from the need for others. 

He opened his eyes and looked down at the shield around the Triskelion Balance. Before it had been a rainbow. Now it was just silver and violet. The color of amaranth blossoms, forever blooming against an argent setting. 

“Fascinating.” The Frost Giant looked over Loki’s shoulder. “And unexpected. Now, pull out the Orb.” 

Loki reached in and winced as his fingers breached the barrier. A wave of heat bathed his hand in a fire made of hottest day of midsummer. The heart of a star somehow captured in a tiny silver ball. He was vaguely aware of the giant and Tom talking, but moving his hand through this incandescence was an all-consuming task. 

The giant turned his attention to Loki. “You see? You will never be anything but second class to these humans. They seek to keep us imprisoned. They have forced you to your knees, but you will be a king when you rejoin our people.” 

Loki looked up, distracted from his fiery task. “A king?” 

The giant nodded. “You are the Jotunn savior. No other shall be as highly honored as you.” 

They would give him that kind of power? He was fourteen years old. Then again, monarchs had taken the throne at far younger ages. Generally with a regent, but still. “You mean… I would be able to… to influence what happens?” 

“Of course,” the giant replied, gesturing to the Casket. “This power belongs to you.” 

Loki looked over at Tom. Perhaps there was hope for them both. If Loki could take this power for himself, surely he would be able to keep Tom safe at the very least. And if Loki was powerful, then Tom might be willing to look past the fact that he was a half-breed. With that kind of influence, maybe Loki could convince Tom to be his lover. 

Loki wrapped his fingers around the mottled silver sphere. He pulled it from the Triskelion balance and the shield collapsed, dispersing the raging heat into nothing. He set the Orb on the table and looked up at the giant. “Now what?” 

“Now, open the Casket.” 

Surely it couldn’t be that simple. “And what will that do?” 

“It shall release the Great Winter. When the Orb is placed inside the Casket, that Winter shall be eternal and forever.” 

“Oh.” The world would go back to the way it was before the last ice age ended. The reign of wizards would be over. His family, so powerful and full of themselves, would be brought to their knees. And Loki would be ruler of it all. Nobody would dare torment him again. The constant bullying he’d experienced through his childhood could finally be avenged. 

Tom spoke. “Loki, please don’t do this.” 

Loki looked over at him. He had to convince Tom that this was the best course. “Don’t you see though? This is a chance to make things better.” 

Tom’s eyes went wide. “What?” 

“Haven’t you been telling me all this time that the wizarding world is broken?” Loki walked over to where Tom was pinned to the floor and crouched by his side. “This would be the opportunity to set things right. To make sure that bullies like Thor can’t treat people like us as lesser than him. Wizards won’t be able to oppress non-humans and Muggles anymore. You taught me this, Tom. That the way our world works is wrong. I can fix it.” 

Tom shook his head. “No, this isn’t right. This will kill millions of people. Don’t you see? I won’t be able to survive this, and neither will anyone else.” 

That was a fair point. There would be no purpose to ruling the world if he couldn’t have Tom by his side. Loki looked over at the giant. “Can something be done? I don’t want my friends to die.” 

The giant nodded. “In our search to create you, we experimented with adding the essence of ourselves to humans. Although those experiments failed to bring our savior forth, they weren’t wholly useless. We created soldiers for the Army of Winter.” The giant gestured towards Bobby Drake, who still held Tom down. “Chose what humans that you wish. We will ensure they survive.” 

Tom looked from Drake to the giant. “You did work with Hydra during the war. The ice experiments, that was you after all.” 

“Clever little human. Much more clever than your ancestors.” The giant looked back at Loki. “If you wish to keep him, we will assist.” 

Loki nodded. He could convince Tom that this was for the best later, but he needed to be certain that the giant wouldn’t double cross him. “You said that if I opened the Casket, the Great Winter will come, and I shall be your king. Is this true?” 

The giant nodded. “It is. We have been waiting for you, for this return to greatness, for millennia.” 

Loki was nowhere as good as Tom at determining truth from lies; but he was skilled, if not naturally gifted. By every sign Loki could read, the giant was telling the truth. “Good.” Loki stood up and looked at Drake. “Now let him up.” Tom was already terrified. Anything that Loki could do to save him some trauma would be better in the long run. 

The older teenager apparently wasn’t willing to take Loki’s orders. He looked at the giant, who turned to Loki. “Is that wise?” the giant asked. 

This was a test. Either they would do as he asked or they wouldn’t. If the former, he would be able to trust them. Loki looked up, chin set at a defiant angle. “I will not have my friend forcibly prostrated. Call it a sign of your faith in my future leadership.” 

The giant appeared to consider this for a moment, then nodded. The Ilvermorny champion stepped away from Tom, who scrambled to his feet. Tom rubbed his wrist, then clutched it to his chest. 

Having assured himself that Tom was safe, Loki walked back over to the Balance. 

Tom took a hesitant step forward. “Loki, please think this through.” 

Loki paused, hand over the lid. “I have thought this through. It’ll be for the best. You’ll see.” The magic of the Casket was a twisting mass of cold and light, like the aurora borealis. It fought him even as it welcomed him in. After an eternity of seconds pushing against an odd repulsive force, Loki put his hand on the lid. A frisson of static and cold flooded his body. It had the tingle of a thunderstorm somehow mixed with the perfect peace of a snow-laden countryside. Despite the force that pushed against him, this felt  _ right _ in a way that hardly anything in Loki’s life did. The only thing that could compare was holding Tom in his arms. 

Loki pulled the lid up. He’d gotten no farther than a centimeter when Tom lept in front of him. 

A vortex of ice and snow swept around his beloved’s form while the other boy screamed in pain. As Loki watched, Tom was wrapped in ice. His beautiful blue eyes turned to expressionless marbles. He hit the ground with a crash. 

Loki’s heart stopped. 

The flame of Tom’s life was snuffed out, taking half of Loki with it. The constant extra heartbeat Loki had felt since he accepted Tom into his life stopped. Loki screamed and dropped to his knees by his love’s side. He ran his hands over the ice shell that coated Tom’s form, but all he could feel was cold. 

Tom was dead. And it was all Loki’s fault. 

Something shattered inside Loki. It might have been his mind or his heart. Perhaps both. The world grayed out around him. Loki was vaguely aware of people flooding the room. The Headmistress. The four Heads of House. Madam Mantis. Logan, the wizard with the CMF. None of them paid any heed to Loki as he knelt by Tom’s side. The Frost Giant he’d been speaking with threw spears of ice at the Hogwarts faculty, but the missiles exploded before they reached the approaching wizards and witches. 

Loki kept reaching out to Tom with his mind, but there was nothing there. Tom always occupied a corner of Loki’s being, even when they weren’t together. When Loki was at home in Hampshire while Tom was in London, he could still feel his other half. Even if Loki wasn’t thinking about Tom in any meaningful way, that small section of his heart was warmed by the other’s existence. 

But that region was cold and empty. 

Loki had murdered the only person in the whole world that he loved. 


	5. The Aurora Within

Loki couldn’t look at Tom’s frozen corpse any longer. He closed his eyes, but he could still feel the emptiness in his heart. Though no blood stained his hands, Loki was a murderer. His greatest, _ only, _ love had died by his hands. 

Loki fled from the Great Hall. Nobody stopped him. Nobody even looked at him. He might as well not exist. 

Tears poured down Loki’s cheeks, but froze in their tracks. He was still blue. The cursed, monstrous color of his kin. He couldn’t even mourn his beloved properly. He ran through the castle corridors without a goal. People passed him by without a glance. Perhaps he’d died with Tom and was just another ghost wandering the Hogwarts halls. 

Eventually, Loki’s feet brought him to the Astronomy Tower. The sun was setting, dropping the sky into a deep, velvety blue. Loki sat on the low wall that rimmed the observation deck and watched the stars come out. 

Ever since he could remember, Loki had dreamed of falling through stars. He’d told Tom about it when the other boy had shared the dream on the trip to school this year. But Loki had never told anyone the _ whole _of the dream. Yes, most of it was falling. And endless, sanity-shattering decent. But at the beginning of that fall was complete and utter despair. Such anguish that death was preferable to life. At the end of that eternity was an even deeper madness. Not death, but a state where he wished for death. 

Despite this dream - or perhaps because of it - Loki loved looking down from the highest heights. He gazed into the empty courtyard below. It was too dark to see details, but Loki imagined he could see glittering stars below as well as above. 

“Oh gods, what have I done?” Loki looked at his hands. Killer’s hands. He was a murderer. The pain was overwhelming. His head ached, his heart too. He felt so empty and alone. His mother had been right about him. In her visions, she saw him killing people. And he had. He’d taken the life of his beloved Tom. 

Better that he should die than continue like this. Alone. 

A small voice whispered that he could still claim the power of the Casket. Could rule the world with it. But there was no point if he had no one by his side. He would truly become a monster then. 

No. Better to let go. Perhaps there would be peace at the bottom of this fall, rather than more madness and pain. It couldn’t possibly be worse than the agony that claimed him now. 

Loki got to his feet, still on the wall, and looked up at the stars. They weren’t the same as the stars in his dream, but they would do for his last moments. 

“Loki.” 

Tom’s voice came from behind him. Loki turned and saw Tom’s pale golden form behind him, lit by the stars. He reached out with his heart, but he couldn’t feel Tom’s presence. Loki must be mad, the last thread of sanity broken by the weight of his guilt. Or perhaps Tom was dead and speaking to him anyway. “Are you a ghost?” 

“What? No.” 

That was impossible. “But… I killed you.” 

“I’m alive, Loki.” Tom stepped forward and reached out. “I’m here.” 

Loki shook his head. “No, you’re dead. I felt you die. I killed you. I’m…” His breath hitched. “I’m a monster. Evil. I murdered you with my own ambition. I thought I was doing the right thing, but… when I opened the Casket, you took the full blast of the ice and you died.” Loki looked over his shoulder, towards the stone courtyard far below. “I felt it. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t.” 

Tom’s voice came closer. “Loki, please. I’m not dead. I’m here. I’m real. You’re not evil. You’re not a monster. None of that is true.” 

Loki looked back at the ghost. “Isn’t it? I murdered you. Only a monster would kill someone they lo… could do that.” He could bear to say the word, even if this was only Tom’s shade. 

“How can I prove to you that I’m here? That I’m not dead?” 

“I…” Loki shook his head. It was possible that Tom was alive but if that were true, their connection was shattered. Fine. That meant that Tom wouldn’t be harmed by his death. “Even if you are real, it doesn’t matter. You’re better off without me. The world is better off without me. I’m… I’m a thing, not a person. Look at me!” He held out his hands, coated in Tom’s blood. “This is what I really am, a means to an end for a race of monsters. If I die now, they’ll never have a chance to take over the world again. I’ll never be tempted again. I can do one good thing in my life. Just this one.” 

“Loki, please don’t do this.” Tom stumbled forward a few steps so that he stood at Loki’s feet. “It doesn’t matter where you came from. I’ve never cared about any of that.” 

"How can you say that? I'm a… a half-breed monster. You're terrified of the Frost Giants, how can you stand to even look at me?" 

"You're not a monster!" Tom reached out to touch his leg. Loki shifted away; he couldn’t allow Tom to touch him. “Please come down? I need you.” 

Loki looked away. “You don’t. You’re better off without me. If I’m gone, you’ll be free.” 

“I… I do need you. I wouldn’t be free without you in my life, I’d be dead inside. I know what that’s like now, and I won’t go back.” Tom clambered up onto the wall to stand next to Loki. 

“What are you doing?” Tom was afraid of heights. He might get dizzy and fall, and then he truly would be gone. “It’s dangerous up here.” 

Tom glanced over the side of the wall, down to the courtyard, then back at Loki. He reached out a hand. “Please?” 

Loki looked at Tom’s hand. He wanted this to be real. For Tom to be alive and still wanting Loki in his life. But Loki was a monster. His touch was cold enough to damage human flesh. “I’ll burn you.” 

“You won’t.” 

There was no way Loki could take that risk. “Tom, I can’t keep hurting you. It rips me up inside. I’ve tried… but I don’t know what to do anymore. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, but I can’t… I need… I need to know you’re safe. That I can’t hurt you anymore.” 

“Then let’s get down off this bloody wall, alright?” 

Loki let out a sound that was part sob, part laugh, and shook his head. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live a lie.” 

“Loki, please. I don’t care what you look like.” 

He looked away again. “That’s not what I mean.” 

“Please look at me?” 

Loki turned his face back, but kept his eyes downcast. He couldn't look at Tom. He was so afraid of what he would see. If Tom repudiated him, there was nothing more that Loki could do. He would fall and be free of this pain forever. It would end. At least he hoped it would end. 

Then a hand, a hand so hot it burned, cupped his cheek. Gods, it felt so real. Maybe Tom wasn’t a ghost. Loki could feel a patch of roughness on Tom’s palm. The scar from when they’d held the Mind Stone together. That was a detail that nobody would think to fake. The heat felt so good. Loki couldn’t help but press his own hand against Tom’s. Cradle that warmth against his freezing cold skin. 

“Please look at me?” 

Crimson eyes met blue, and Loki searched Tom’s face. He couldn’t read the other boy’s expression. It was full of pain and doubt, but also something deep and primal. “I don’t disgust you?” 

“Never.” 

“But…” _ I’m a monster. I killed you. _

“I love you.” 

Loki’s breath caught. “You…” He couldn’t possibly mean that the same way Loki did. 

“I love you. Not in a best mate kind of way. Not in a brotherly way. I love you.” 

_ He loves me. _ This was everything Loki wanted. The boy he’d loved for two years, saying those words to him. Tom would be his boyfriend. They would kiss and hold one another. And someday he would make love to that perfect, beautiful boy who was his heart. 

But… but how could Tom possibly love this creature that he’d become. Loki was a murdering monster. He’d killed Tom. Any hope that Loki had faded. Tom would realize that Loki was evil, and leave him behind. 

“How can you…” 

Tom leaned in and kissed him. A sweet, gentle press of lips against his own. For a moment, Loki couldn’t quite believe that it was happening. He must be dreaming, or already mad. Or he was dead and this was some exquisite afterlife. 

Whatever it was, he wanted it. Loki pulled Tom close with one hand and cupped his neck with the other. That alien, incredibly powerful gesture that they’d shared over the years. Neither truly understood it, but it was vital to them both. 

This _ was _ real, not a dream. Heat flooded into Loki’s form, and with it a rush of pure joy as he felt Tom’s presence in his heart again. He was alive! This wasn’t a hallucination or a dream. Tom was alive and in his arms, _ kissing _ him. 

Tom pulled away just enough that they could see each other clearly. Loki felt tears roll down his cheeks, even though he wasn’t crying now. His hand on Tom’s neck was pale, no longer blue. Somehow the kiss had transformed him back into his proper human body. He searched Tom’s face. He looked happy, but Loki had to be sure. 

“Is this what you want?” Loki asked. 

Tom smiled at him. “More than anything. Is it what you want?” 

Loki nodded. “It’s all I’ve wanted for a long time.” He ran his thumb over Tom’s jaw. “Are you quite certain?” 

Tom nodded and kissed him again. “I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life. Now can we get down off this damned wall?” 

Loki threw his head back and laughed. “As you wish.” He jumped onto the stone observation deck, and turned to Tom. “Come on.” He held out a hand. 

Tom took the proffered hand and hopped down. He pulled Loki into a wonderfully tight, clinging hug. “Please don’t ever scare me like that again.” 

Loki pressed himself even closer. “I won’t. I promise.” He kissed Tom’s cheek, then his lips. Gods that was wonderful. He’d fantasized about kissing Tom hundreds of times, but nothing compared to the reality. Yes, it was a simple, closed-mouth kiss, but this was Loki’s heart here in his arms. 

A heart that he’d destroyed only a few hours ago. 

Whatever saved Tom’s life, Loki _ had _ killed him. He’d been willing to take over the world. He was a half-breed freak. A creature born to crush humanity under his foot. How could a gentle person like Tom ever truly love him? 

He broke away. “I can’t… I… I don’t deserve this.” 

Tom made a pained noise in the back of his throat. “Loki, there’s nothing wrong with you.” 

He had to make Tom understand. Loki was irredeemable. Destined to destroy everything he loved. “I was willing to lead an invasion of monsters to take over the world. Kill millions. I killed you.” 

Tom shook his head. “You made a mistake. You just learned that you weren’t who you thought you were, that everything you’d been taught was a lie, and you made a mistake. I’m not dead. I’m here, I’m alive and I love you.” 

Loki was crying again. “Tom… How can you forgive me so easily? I’m a monster.” 

Tom took a deep breath and let it out slowly. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a flat bronze oval that caught the starlight like it was lit from within. 

“What is that?” 

“It’s the mirror the Japanese students brought with them. The Kagami-no-Uzume. It shows you your true self.” 

Loki bit his lip and pulled away. “I can’t.” His true self? How could that be anything but horror? 

“I need you to see.” Tom held the mirror out. “Please look?” 

He was willing to do anything for Tom. He would fight and die for his love. Surely he could stand seeing his true self, at least for a moment. 

Loki took the mirror from Tom’s hands and looked. 

He saw... himself. Fourteen years old. Black hair and pale skin. Gray eyes that might flash green or blue, depending on the light. An infinite starscape painted the realm beyond his reflection. Not the sky above, but the sky of his dreams, held in the perfect suspension between day and night. An eternal twilight where both sun and stars shone. 

The ribbon of the northern lights appeared over the stars. But it wasn’t the aurora. It was a bridge made of shards of rainbow. As though the aurora was a physical thing, not just power from the sun burning itself up in the atmosphere. 

Loki saw flashes of himself in a realm made of gold. This world was so far from Loki’s current existence that it was incomprehensible that he could belong there.Yet he sat on a golden throne, finally king. As though that was something he’d aspired to before today. But this felt so natural. His home was a palace, not a cramped attic room that was an oven in summer and freezing in winter. 

But that palace was a lie. It was all a lie. Every single thing he thought he knew was a lie. 

And those lies piled on top of one another. Pushed and pulled until he broke under their weight, and just... let go. 

He fell and kept falling even after he’d landed. He killed and _ was _ killed. Over and over. Until… 

Until he fell into Tom’s arms. Not his fourteen year old best friend and would-be lover. A man grown even more beautiful with time. He’d seen this Tom before. The Tesseract showed him this future. Where he and Tom were together. Lovers living together without fear. Tom saved him from himself. And Loki could do nothing but love him for it. Loki was so broken, but Tom loved him still. 

A boundless expanse stretched out from that moment, when these two men who could not exist at the same time in the same place touched. The universe shattered around them and reformed into something like that infinite rainbow bridge. 

Now there was choice where before there had been none. Before this moment, Loki’s path had been written like a tale. He would live like _ this, _ die like _ that. _ Now, he was reborn and had _ choice. _ He wasn’t fated to die by enemy hands over and over again. He could decide how to live. And how to die. 

Tom’s voice broke through Loki’s revery. “What do you see?” 

“Everything.” 

He looked up. A frown creased Tom’s brows. He didn’t understand. Loki flipped the mirror around to face him. “What do you see?” 

Tom gazed at the mirror for a long time. He seemed frozen in place, not even breathing. Loki could tell he was fine; the pulse-that-was-Tom, which sat in the corner of his being, kept a steady beat. Despite that knowledge, Loki couldn’t help being concerned when Tom stayed immobile for so long. After the longest twenty seconds of Loki’s life, Tom blinked and started breathing again. 

Now, Tom’s eyes darted over the mirror’s surface, but still, he was silent. Here, he frowned. There, he smiled. 

It drove Loki mad not to be able to see what his doppelganger saw in the reflective bronze surface. “What do you see?” Loki asked again. 

Tom looked up. “Everyone.” 

They both looked down at the mirror again. “What does it mean?” Loki asked. 

“I don’t know. I saw… Me, and you, and all of my other selves. Ones I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. I think… I think it’s showing me that I really am you, but not… just you?” 

That was silly. Tom was himself, not Loki. No matter how much they looked alike, Tom was his own person. He was brave and self-sacrificing, not a selfish creature like Loki. But if Tom loved him, Loki would take that love and give all he had in return. 

He stepped forward and pushed the mirror aside. He slipped his hands around Tom’s waist and pulled him close. “You’re not me. You’re you.” He kissed Tom very gently on the lips, reveling in the fact that he _ could. _ “We may be the same person on some level, but that’s never controlled how we live our lives.” Another soft kiss. “I want you, not because you’re me, but because you’re Tom.” Loki didn’t want a reflection of himself, he wanted this person who was the other half of his soul. 

He kissed Tom again. And again. Tom never flinched away. He didn’t do any of the things that meant he didn’t want this as much as Loki did. Instead Tom gave as many kisses as he received. He cradled Loki’s jaw between his hands like he couldn’t believe this was real. Like he was afraid Loki might vanish or push him away. 

So Loki pulled him closer and shifted so he could deepen the kiss. He didn’t expect Tom to know what to do with that, but when Loki opened his mouth and slipped his tongue into the other boy’s mouth, Tom moaned and kissed him back with just as much desire. 

Tom’s tongue swept along Loki’s. Teased his lips and made his blood catch fire. This was far and away more than Loki expected. This was no blushing, stammering, awkward first French kiss. Loki counted himself lucky, and dove into it. Licked his way into Tom’s mouth over and over again, ran his teeth over Tom’s lower lip just to hear him gasp. Kissed until Loki had to pull away to catch his breath. 

Tom leaned their foreheads together while they breathed. Loki ran his fingers over Tom’s face. The contours were familiar since they were his own as well, but the silken skin under his hands was different. It all seemed like a dream. 

“You’re certain about this?” Loki asked quietly. 

“How much more proof would you like?” 

“Mmm… Don’t tempt me.” 

Tom snickered and gave him a quick kiss. “Yes, I’m completely certain about this. I’ve been an idiot for a long time, but I’ve finally figured myself out. I’m just glad you feel the same.” 

“Finally, yes.” Loki could help but let some of his frustration creep into those words. 

“How long?” 

“How long, what?” 

“How long have you wanted this?” 

Loki chewed on his lower lip for a moment. It would be best to tell the truth, even if it might make Tom… uncomfortable. “Two years?” 

Tom’s jaw fell open. “Are you serious?” 

Tom apparently couldn’t wrap his head around Loki being a sexual being that long ago. To be fair, he wouldn’t have known what to do with a lover at that age. “I wasn’t ready for it two years ago, but I wanted it.” Loki chuckled and closed Tom’s mouth with two fingers under his chin, before he leaned in for another kiss. “Does this really come as a surprise?” 

“Yes!” 

Loki swallowed down more laughter. “What about you?” 

“I…” Tom was silent for a long moment. “Since February, I suppose. Maybe longer, but... I didn’t… I wasn’t listening to myself before that. I’ve always loved you, but I didn’t know… I didn’t see.” He shrugged. “I was so convinced that this was just me…” 

“Well it isn’t.” 

“I see that now.” 

Loki snickered and kissed him again. “Thank you.” 

Tom pulled away just a bit. “For what?” 

“For everything. For coming for me, for loving me despite everything. For keeping your promise to stop me.” 

Tom smiled. “You’re welcome.” 

Loki chuckled, and pulled Tom into another kiss. They could kiss forever, and Loki would be happy. As much as he wanted more, he knew that Tom wasn’t ready for that. Not yet. Loki was certain that Tom wanted these kisses, but beyond that, Loki didn’t know, but he wasn’t about to push. Tom was a pile of contradictions when it came to sexuality. He blushed at meaningless jokes about wanking, but kissed like he’d been practicing nothing else for years. Loki didn’t know what to do with that, but at the moment, there were wonderful kisses. Perhaps they could spend the whole night up here and kiss and talk and finally find one another. This was perfect, just how it was. 

Into the near-silence of soft kisses, Tom’s stomach growled so loudly that for a moment, Loki thought the sound came from an animal of some kind. When he realized what it was, Loki had to pull away and laugh. Everything about this last hour had been ethereal. So dream-like that he half-expected to wake up. But a growling stomach was just so mundane that it threw the whole day into new light. This was all real. Loki was a half-giant, whether he wanted it or not, but Tom… Tom wanted him. Tom was going to be his boyfriend. Not just in Loki’s fantasies but in the real world, where stomachs growled and you had to eat and sleep. Go to school and live a normal life. It was ridiculous and utterly sublime. 

So Loki laughed. He couldn’t help himself. He doubled over and laughed so hard he cried. Tom must think he’d gone mad. “Sorry.” He looked up to see Tom’s blushing, disgruntled face and started laughing again. “Sorry.” 

Tom pressed a hand to his belly. “I haven’t actually eaten today.” 

“No? Nothing at all?” Loki felt somewhat hollow himself, but it hadn’t occurred to him that Tom might be in a worse state. 

Tom shook his head, and counted down the meals on his fingers. “I missed breakfast because I was reading. I missed lunch because I was running away. I missed supper because I was unconscious in the hospital wing.” 

Loki was horrified. Clearly Tom could not be counted on to take care of himself. “That will not do. Come on.” He took Tom’s hand and dragged him inside. 

“Where are we going?” 

“Kitchens. I will not have my boyfriend starve.” 

Loki glanced over his shoulder to see how Tom reacted to this pronouncement. The other boy wore a wide grin. His eyes sparkled behind the lenses of his spectacles, a warm flush graced his cheeks. Loki had never seen Tom look quite so happy. Loki couldn’t help but return that grin with one of his own. Neither could he help pulling Tom into another kiss, before leading the way down the stairs. 

Boyfriends at last. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who have read this little filler fic. I hope that getting a little more of Loki's point of view was helpful. Or at least interesting. 
> 
> I expect to start posting Book 4 next week. Hopefully Sunday, but if not, then Thursday. Book 4 is being sticky, but at least it's not completely stuck.


End file.
